Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Again, Daddy, Again

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change."--Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta

Do you have a part of your heart that's locked away from the world? From everyone, including yourself? Do you let God in those secret places?

This morning I asked God to let me see clearly. I prayed giving Him access to my innermost thoughts and beliefs. Praying like this can seem repetitious and humbling. I gave God all of my heart many years ago.

I just have a tendency to take it back. Snatch it out of God's hands and run. 

The result is I seem to struggle with the same junk. God heals me of my sin and then I find myself stuck smack dab in the middle of the old way of thinking before I even realize what I'm doing.

Today I read about Jesus healing a blind man in Mark 8. Jesus touches the sightless man and then asks him if he can see. The man says he sees people but they look like trees.

Jesus touches him again and the Scriptures say the man looked hard or intently and could see clearly.

I was reminded of my son, Palmer playing with his daddy.  Andrew tickles him until he can't breathe and when my husband thinks he can't take anymore, he stops. Palmer promptly take a deep breath and squeals, "Again, Daddy, again!" And Andrew tickles him some more. All Palmer wants is a second to catch his breath so he can play with his dad some more.

Sometimes it takes a second touch to see clearly. Sometimes we have to catch our breath so we can ask for more.

Today I asked for more. 

Then I opened my eyes and began to see clearly.

What about you? Are there areas you have been healed but may need a second (or third, or fourth) touch to see clearly? Leave a comment and I'd love to pray for Jesus to touch you.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The After

You may be wondering where I’ve been. That is, if you’re even still there at all. I’ve been in the after.

You get cancer and everybody is there. They bring you casseroles, hold your hand and ceaselessly encourage you. Then they see that you are good, healthy, moving on… and so do they.

It’s hard to tell people what you need when you don’t really know yourself. It’s been hard for me to put words to paper or sentences to prayer expressing my feelings for the last several months.

I’m living in the after. After the cancer. After the casseroles are gone. After the handholding ends because life’s crazy pace has picked back up and everything is back to normal—except it isn’t. It’s different. It’s after.

After the cancer.
After the junk.

Did you know, according to Google, aftershocks are smaller earthquakes that follow a larger one in the same area. They occur due to the area settling down and getting used to the new state of stress that was brought about by the mainshock.

I spent the last year adjusting. Adjusting kids to new schools, friends and schedules. Adjusting the husband to a new job, responsibilities and routines. A few months ago I realized they were all adjusted—but I wasn’t. At.all.

I got curious about aftershock so I Googled some more and I discovered that aftershocks can occur months even years after the main event.

I’m living through some aftershocks, y’all.

And I know that God is still here. In the after. I know that His promises are true. “Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)

That passage goes on to say, “For it is good for the heart to be established and ennobled and strengthened by means of grace.” (13:9a)

I know God is asking one thing of me in the after: To trust the same God I trusted in the cancer.

To receive the same grace that carried us through the “stuff” to carry us through the “little” daily problems that “normal” life brings.

No matter what you have been through or are experiencing now, His grace is available to strengthen your heart. I would love to pray for you, just leave a comment.