Monday, January 03, 2011

Heart Palpitations, Regrets and Redemption

My heart palpitates as I think about New Year’s resolutions. Goals for the coming year, assessments of last year and a path for 2011 are all topics that make my stomach all twisty. Yes ma’am.

I tend to get stuck on the lousy facts. The failures. I didn’t submit one single article for publishing and I have an insane habit of negative talk. I think bad thoughts, I talk ugly to myself and I even talk rudely about others all in an effort to make myself feel better. There are days when it seems I bring out the worst in everyone around me. Even though I had great intentions when I moved here, I have yet to own one single organized file and my computer remains a list of documents I couldn’t sift through quickly to save my life. 

Pure failure.

The truth is I have areas that need attention; these gaps need Jesus. I am a person with flaws. I see life, others and myself through a cracked lens.

Truth is Jesus can fix this.

Trouble is will I let Him.

I have this terrible tendency to get down on myself and wallow in my failures when instead I should let failure drive me to Jesus.

On the flip side of this 2010 was full of accomplishments too. I fought cancer and completed treatment. I moved my family to a new city. I took some steps toward my desire to lead women to Jesus and attended my first She Speaks conference. I ran my first half marathon and learned to cook many new healthy meals. I even made my local health food store and fruit stand regular stops.

The past year has given me many large celebrations, some smaller ones and a laundry list for the coming year. I’ve sorted laundry and had some celebratory parties as I accepted my friend Sandy’s challenge to get some goals this week. She has outlined some great steps to follow that are so full of grace and promise.

In order to keep the parties of the celebratory variety, I also took my friend Karen’s advice and am letting my failures and regrets drive me to Jesus instead of into the ground.

Happy planning!

“Turn and come to my rescue.
Show me your wonderful love
            And save me, Lord.”
Psalm 6:4


Sandy @ The Scoop on Balance said...

Wait until you see my goals (still in formulation stage) on Wednesday. Not surprisingly, I am struggling with many of the same things as you. And this is the year I address them! WITH JESUS! You will think I copied off you, but I didn't.

Thanks for linking to me. I love you immensely.


Mining for Diamonds said...

You have had quite a year! The fact that you faced cancer head on and came out victorious (and healthy!), AND managed to move to a new city...that's nothing to sneeze at! Look at God! I don't know why it is SO much easier to get bogged down in the negative. I do the same thing...I seem to be wired that way for some reason. It just gives me more reason to depend on the Lord to renew my mind!!! He is doing that as He is helping me to change my perspective on things. It helps. Redemption...such a wonderful thing!

Anita said...

You sound pretty normal to me. :)

Seriously, best wishes to you in fixing your flaws, and in accomplishing even more this year than last. It was quite a year for you. I'm sure your friends and family are proud of you for keeping it together. I am. :)

So you ran the half marathon? Great! I'd love to do that some day. Until then, I'll stick with my annual 10k.

And most importantly, praying to Jesus will earn His love and guidance. I'll be doing the same. :)

Karen Ehman said...

Thanks for the link. Happy New year sweet friend!!! I hope to "see" lots of you in 2011!!!!

Melanie said...

I'm working on "quarterly" goals.
My spiritual goal: "More Jesus". I think this must be Spirit inspired as I am seeing it in lots of places.

Gretchen said...

Lurve your open honesty about your humanness. Girl, we're all there. But you're right--Jesus can fix our tattered selves. And He'll be there waiting when we forget to let Him lead. Great is His faithfulness.

Nana's Nuggets said...

Hi! Lisa, Oh! those goals, for a New Year! We all have them, just one at a time, one day at a time! I just wanted to say that I have been following you for about a year now, and I have so enjoyed your honesty and upfront attitude! i just cannot imagin going thru what you have expierenced! but just wanted to say within the last 2wks. my long life best friend has been diagnoised with double breast cancer! If you could share maybe just one thing with me on what a friend can do and encourage one that is facing this~ I would be so delighted to be enlightened of what I might do to support her, I am so "Heart sick" over this that I am desperate for an answer, all I can do is reassure her of my Prayers! Thank You Lisa, in advance for any advice that would be helpful! To God Be The Glory for great things He has done!

Anita said...

I'm interested in an answer to Nana's question, too.