As I sit and unpack the past year, I shake my head. How can I even begin to lay out the most emotional year of my life?
I started the year by telling God I wouldn’t let fear rule me. I labeled 2010 The Year of No Fear. The first three weeks of January brought sickness, accidents and lice and if that wasn’t enough, a biopsy.
The rest is history. Cancer history. And while those two words feel great to write side by side, the cancer care lifestyle is anything but history. Maintenance is my new best friend.
And that’s okay. Actually that’s miraculous.
I sit here each day at my kitchen table and ask God what I need for 2011. I keep getting one word: Survival.
I don’t like that word. I didn’t appreciate it earlier this year when survival brought adrenalin pumping, tear jerking, life altering decisions in a weird calmness soldiers in Iraq must surely understand.
And I don’t welcome that word now when it brings back memories of all those years of changing diapers, early morning feedings and nary a night’s sleep. Today it means getting the kids off each morning, preparing for their return, homework, dinner and bedtime at which point I fall into my own bed for a few hours and repeat. Hate that way of life.
If cancer is a teacher it teaches one to slow down, enjoy each moment escaping a stressful life’s cheating embrace.
The truth is even the power cancer possesses is not enough to give me the strength to live this way. I must tap into the power of the One who created life and took my cancer.
Sometimes tapping that power seems elusive. Y’all, I’m tired and that is where I sit again today. Tired.
I don’t know about you but when I’m tired, I’m forgetful. All I can seem to remember when my brain shuts down from exhaustion are the things at the top of my to do list and that usually reads, “wash underwear and fill drawers” or “feed and bathe dirty, hungry children,” not “tap into God’s miraculous power.”
He set some things into motion long ago when others struggled with the same issues. I will soon start Backpacking Through Joshua with Amber.
In Exodus 17, Moses sends Joshua and some strong men out to battle per God’s orders. Then Moses and two of his friends climb to the top of a mountain.
They soon realized that when Moses holds his staff in the air, the Israelites are winning the battle but when he lowers his arms, the Israelites begin losing.
When Moses gets tired, his friends give him a rock to sit on and they each hold an arm in the air so the battle can be won.
I unpack some great truths for my own tired self here.
1. The battle is won by a position of praise. I will raise my hands and praise God even when I’m tired.
2. Don’t climb the mountain alone. I need to take some girlfriends with me. (If you don’t have some besties to hold you up when you get tired, pray. God is faithful.)
3. Remember the ultimate Helper. The Holy Spirit’s job is to be ever-present and helping us each day.
After the battle was won, God instructs Moses to write the story down as a reminder to Joshua. This tells me even the most Godly of leaders are prone to get tired and forget. We are no different.
So I think I’ll print these truths at the top of today’s to do list!