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Monday, April 18, 2011

The morning after

Backpacking Through Joshua with Amber and friends.
What do you the morning after the sun stands still? Where do I go from here is the question I ask God everyday since I finished cancer treatment last summer.

My voice shakes with excitement the first million times I ask it. Anticipating the future is one beautiful side effect of completing cancer treatment. Slowly over time as days, weeks, months pass, the promise wears thin. Weariness swallows intention. The sun’s scorch fades vision. Driving rains make impassable conditions. Confusion settles over dreams. Gusto gives way to life’s insignificant trials.

I find myself lost in the normal I once craved. Responsibilities, chores and daily stresses overwhelm me at times. I feel cheated. Trying to look forward now hurts. Looking at today is easier even though it rubs my soul raw. I have today but tomorrow is not promised. One day may not come. I struggle to squeeze giant dream drops out of daily life’s dry cloth.

When I read Joshua 11, I am amazed. After the sun stands still, God calls His people to war. For seven years.

After participating in one of the biggest miracles in the Bible, there is all out war for the Israelites. They are grateful beyond grateful. And they are tired beyond tired. They march all night and then fight the longest day in history winning an awesome victory.

This is my story. Last year, I experienced an all out attack. Then I experienced an all out miracle. My diagnosis with a rare and aggressive form of cancer that my health insurance refused to treat in the way I chose resulted in the longest month of my life’s history. The months from diagnosis to healing seemed much longer as we marched. And then fought.

I entered follow-up care just seven months after I was diagnosed with cancer. A miracle. I escaped the rigors of chemo. A miracle. I remain clear. A miracle.

I am grateful beyond grateful. But I am tired beyond tired. As I read Joshua 11:16 &18 my eyes are opened. “So Joshua took the entire land…It took seven years of war to accomplish all of this.”

Now I know. The place I go from here is war. An epic war to take the entire land ensues. I am warring for the fertile land of healing, vision and purpose. Just like the Israelites, I want to live smack dab in the middle of the promise. I don’t want to settle on the border living a comfortable life enjoying the fruit of the Promised Land while worried about attacks in the night that could continually drive me out once again.

I march forward as I cling to God’s promise in Joshua 11:23:
“So Lisa took the entire land just as God instructed…and she gave the people their inheritance…So the land finally rested from its war.”



Thank you, Lisa, for sharing these personal thoughts. It helps me understand what my sister must be feeling also right now. I am grateful to pray for you on your journey, as I pray for Sue. And look forward to hearing more of what you and God are experiencing together, after the sun stood still.


Kim said...

Love this post...love your thoughts! I can so relate! Blessing as you continue on your journey!

Jen said...

This is powerful. I hadn't thought about the battle after the battle. But you are saddled with the Overcomer. Victory will be found and completed in you.

I am a Woman of God said...

I really love this post. Thank you so much for sharing.
Christian Woman

Gretchen said...

"I find myself lost in the normal I once craved."

Pretty powerful, if you think about it. And reminds me that a day just isn't a day for God. They are all special, since no more are promised than today. And they all call for rejoicing.

Good reminder to me that an ordinary, normal day needn't lose me in its grip. I'm promised much more, if I'll just hang on. xxxooo