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Thursday, March 03, 2011

Hissy Fits and Heartaches


Have you ever thrown a little hissy fit in front of God because you wish He would just throw open the heavens and give you what you want right now? **foot stomps** Truth is, I’ve been stomping my foot a lot lately. My prayers have taken on a tone that resembles whining much more than praise and I’ve more than lost sight of that happy place I sometimes go. Now when I close my eyes it’s more to take ten deep breaths and hold it together than to refocus. **sigh**

I haven't always known what I want. I've spent most of my life second guessing, wandering around lost, floating from job to job until I got the privilege of settling at mother. I've known this day was coming. I've known it for years. The announcement from my husband that it's time to start looking for a job has threatened to put me over the edge. 

I find myself praying with clenched fists. Lord, I finally know what I want to do. But now we have needs. Please let me do it. Please, please, please. **foot stomps to A-MEN**

Oh, the stress of it all! I started looking at positions on Craigslist. I got a little excited. Did you know there’s some coolish stuff out there for writers? Then I got totally deflated. I haven’t even had a resume for over thirteen years. I’ve never published outside this blog (except for the JJ Pearce High School newspaper circa 1988) which leaves me basically a beginner. With a personal mommy blog for a portfolio. At forty. A tad humbling. So my mind has been turning, my stomach has been tumbling and my heart has been aching. And when I went to God to ask Him how to remedy that, He led me here:

Since Jesus went through everything you’re going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you’ll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want. 1 Peter 4:1-2

That pretty much sums up my hissy fit and heartache. I just want what I want when I want it. But really I’d rather have what God wants for me to have when He wants me to have it. 

How about you?


6 comments:

BFM said...

Can relate so much. Lately I feel like I get it more. We're here to be served by God, and then go and serve others. But I feel like our very limited resources allow me to give as much as I want. But I have to rememeber it's not how much I give or what I want, but just the obedience of serving that matters most. I love, love, love your honest and open heart!

Sonja said...

You make me smile Lisa!

You sound like me 20 years ago, and don't assume that 20 years from now you won't ever want to have it your way... nope... we seem to go down hard on certain things. BUT... He does change things within us, as He is doing in you. Your scripture wrapped it up so well. Here's the other thing... what if you DO find a j.o.b. that you end up knowing was the very best thing that could have happened? That is just like something God would do!

Hang in there girl... God is smiling on you, and probably smiling at this very blog, just like me!! :)

xo

Lori Lynn said...

I can relate to that a lot. I have struggled with knowing what I've wanted to do with my life for a really long time-- I've been in the teaching profession for almost 10 years, and I've never really been happy where I've been at. I thought I would eventually find my nitch, but it hasn't happened yet. I've thought about going back to school, but I'm not really sure what I would go in!

Mining for Diamonds said...

I can definitely relate to Hissy Fits and Heartaches! I've had a few of my own. God will lead you and open up doors tailor made just for you!

Leah @ Point Ministries said...

Lisa,

No problem. Check out writing for online places like CBN.com, JournEzine, and other online devo sites. That looks great on a resume and is not hugely time consuming. I write for several. They don't pay but they do give you publishing experience.

God will put you exactly where He wants you!!

Cherie Hill said...

Such a wonderful heart felt post Lisa . . . I marvel at your faith with all that you have been through. My heart goes out to you in so many ways. I'll be praying that you seek God continually through it all . . . allowing Him to lead and guide you with each decision that should be made. I've learned that these times of frustration are times of spiritual growth. When challenging situations come along, He has shown me that it's an opportunity to grow closer to Him . . . He wants me to be COMPLETELY and utterly dependent upon Him. He's turning my faith into pure gold. Edith Hamilton said, “Faith is not faith until it’s all you’re holding onto.” I find that God is continually testing that statement in my life. Through it all we are stronger . . . through it all we are being transformed into the likeness of Christ. From glory to glory . . . He is with us every step of the way.
Blessings,
Cherie