Have you ever thrown a little hissy fit in front of God because you wish He would just throw open the heavens and give you what you want right now? **foot stomps** Truth is, I’ve been stomping my foot a lot lately. My prayers have taken on a tone that resembles whining much more than praise and I’ve more than lost sight of that happy place I sometimes go. Now when I close my eyes it’s more to take ten deep breaths and hold it together than to refocus. **sigh**
I haven't always known what I want. I've spent most of my life second guessing, wandering around lost, floating from job to job until I got the privilege of settling at mother. I've known this day was coming. I've known it for years. The announcement from my husband that it's time to start looking for a job has threatened to put me over the edge.
I find myself praying with clenched fists. Lord, I finally know what I want to do. But now we have needs. Please let me do it. Please, please, please. **foot stomps to A-MEN**
Oh, the stress of it all! I started looking at positions on Craigslist. I got a little excited. Did you know there’s some coolish stuff out there for writers? Then I got totally deflated. I haven’t even had a resume for over thirteen years. I’ve never published outside this blog (except for the JJ Pearce High School newspaper circa 1988) which leaves me basically a beginner. With a personal mommy blog for a portfolio. At forty. A tad humbling. So my mind has been turning, my stomach has been tumbling and my heart has been aching. And when I went to God to ask Him how to remedy that, He led me here:
Since Jesus went through everything you’re going through and more, learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you’ll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want. 1 Peter 4:1-2
That pretty much sums up my hissy fit and heartache. I just want what I want when I want it. But really I’d rather have what God wants for me to have when He wants me to have it.
How about you?