My mind is a battlefield. Tiredness always signals a coming conflict. Left with no sleep my mind rages against the truths of God tucked away in more lucid moments. When I choose to believe the emotional, tired and dull mind, death ravages the war zone and I am left on the field, counted among the wounded. Many times when the battle is done, the field is littered with bloodied casualties including those I love most.
Yesterday was hard. I had gone to bed around 12:30. My son started screaming with a nasty virus around 3:30 (and that wasn’t all coming out of his mouth, remember?). I had a speaking engagement I had to cancel as a result. I had only gotten about 3-4 hours sleep. I was disappointed. I was frustrated. I hate throw up.
In essence, I got no sleep and had to trade something I love to do so much with something I hate to do. I traded sharing Jesus with other women for cleaning vomit off the rug and the couch and the floor. Don’t get me wrong there were parts to yesterday, like snuggling with my boy and enjoying ice cream with him at the end of the day, that were really nice. But on the whole, the day stunk. Literally.
The war in my mind was intense. It was like I had a little angel on one side whispering God’s truths and a little devil on the other whispering lies while stabbing my heart with his pitchfork.
God hasn’t really called you.
Nobody wants to hear what you have to say.
They were foolish to think you would ever come.
Your boy’s not that sick, it’s just an excuse.
You’re too afraid to go anyway.
You are so lazy; you’d rather sleep than let God use you.
I’m learning one of the biggest triggers in my life to making poor choices is lack of sleep. I am making a huge effort to go to bed by 11:00 each night and get a good night’s rest. This is mostly possibly but when it is not, my mind goes to crazy places.
Can anyone relate?
I’m learning the best things to do on days like today when I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep is to fill my mind with truth so that it’s there on days like yesterday. So I can wake up on days like today in a good place where I find myself in a messy house with things strewn here and there but no human casualties.
Today is a better day but looking back, yesterday held much more than survival. And you know what? That’s exactly what God wants for us.
By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. Romans 5:1-2 The Message
What are some of your favorite war strategies to find victory on tired days?