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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

War Zones

My mind is a battlefield. Tiredness always signals a coming conflict. Left with no sleep my mind rages against the truths of God tucked away in more lucid moments. When I choose to believe the emotional, tired and dull mind, death ravages the war zone and I am left on the field, counted among the wounded. Many times when the battle is done, the field is littered with bloodied casualties including those I love most.

Yesterday was hard. I had gone to bed around 12:30. My son started screaming with a nasty virus around 3:30 (and that wasn’t all coming out of his mouth, remember?). I had a speaking engagement I had to cancel as a result. I had only gotten about 3-4 hours sleep. I was disappointed. I was frustrated. I hate throw up.

In essence, I got no sleep and had to trade something I love to do so much with something I hate to do. I traded sharing Jesus with other women for cleaning vomit off the rug and the couch and the floor. Don’t get me wrong there were parts to yesterday, like snuggling with my boy and enjoying ice cream with him at the end of the day, that were really nice. But on the whole, the day stunk. Literally.

The war in my mind was intense. It was like I had a little angel on one side whispering God’s truths and a little devil on the other whispering lies while stabbing my heart with his pitchfork.

God hasn’t really called you.
Nobody wants to hear what you have to say.
They were foolish to think you would ever come.
Your boy’s not that sick, it’s just an excuse.
You’re too afraid to go anyway.
You are so lazy; you’d rather sleep than let God use you.

I’m learning one of the biggest triggers in my life to making poor choices is lack of sleep. I am making a huge effort to go to bed by 11:00 each night and get a good night’s rest. This is mostly possibly but when it is not, my mind goes to crazy places.

Can anyone relate?

I’m learning the best things to do on days like today when I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep is to fill my mind with truth so that it’s there on days like yesterday. So I can wake up on days like today in a good place where I find myself in a messy house with things strewn here and there but no human casualties.

Today is a better day but looking back, yesterday held much more than survival. And you know what? That’s exactly what God wants for us.

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. Romans 5:1-2 The Message

What are some of your favorite war strategies to find victory on tired days?


Sara G said...

Sending hugs!
After I came home from the rehab hospital, being gone for almost a month, my sleep wasn't pretty. For several months I went through dreams and ideas that were borderline real but weren't real. They were horrible and caused issues within me and my marriage. I started to read more of my bible and realizing more about Him. The reminders of promises and who He is, which one reason God allowed this stroke, to bring me closer to Him. The more truth I had the less those dreams, images where to now a year later, almost never. I say almost because when I don't have a decent sleep, here we go again but now I stand on a solid rock. There will be other types of attacks, other places and types but thanking God for giving the rock, His rock.
Have a blessed day!!!

Beth@Not a Bow in Sight said...

I can honestly say that sleep deprivation sends everything spiraling for me- my emotions, my hormones, my patience, etc. It's difficult to even pray for me when I'm sleep deprived because I can't concentrate...or I fall asleep. Thank God that the Holy Spirit prays on my behalf when I can't get the words out.

Much love,

Mining for Diamonds said...

Oh, wow! I'm so sorry you had a sick baby, and had to cancel your engagement! Just think...next time you are invited to speak for MOPS, you will have something to share. I believe even this story will minister to many mamas!!! God NEVER wastes an opportunity to turn our warfare into worship!

I like what you said here:

"I’m learning the best things to do on days like today when I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep is to fill my mind with truth so that it’s there on day’s like yesterday."

My sweet hubby calls this "storing up treasures". We store up on good days the treasures of faith in order to take them out on our bad days. (What a wise man.)I'm glad your baby is feeling better and I know you'll be speaking again soon! I pray you get some rest (I'm sure we moms can understand why sleep deprivation is used as torture!!!).

Kathy@ Gone North said...

OH... SO sorry for a sick child & missing out on the speaking engagement.
Satan does so well to distract us.. wants us to be in dark places.
I HATE to sleep.. isn't that weird?? Hate to go to bed. Afraid I will miss something?? So, am tired most of the time. But God is making me understand how much I need to rest & fall into rest in His arms...
I am sure that your yesterday will be used for Him... just by sharing it with us today, you have Blessed us.

kiddo1024 said...

xoxo Lisa!

I have been plagued with insomnia for about eight years, and have found that at times the closer I feel to God is when I struggle to sleep the most. I am convinced it is Satan's attack. Sleep and during fatigue is when our defenses are down and seem for me to be my most vulnerable point. I have found that worship is my best defense. Focus on Him instead of my fatigue. My current favorite is the Passion: Awakening CD. It seems to take you through a range of worship that stirs my soul.

Bernie said...

So glad P is feeling better,and I so enjoyed reading your post today. Be well my friend...:-)Hugs

Gretchen said...

Precious friend, your mission field at home was calling. That's all.

Praying a better night's rest for you this week. And for His perspective to be present in your heart and mind. I'm sorry for your disappointment. The ladies did miss a great speaker, but God has different plans. And so...we adjust our sails.

And yes...lack of sleep is a rotten thing for good decisions. And poor sail adjustment. I am rigid by nature, but w/lack of sleep? Monstrous. <3 you.

Anita said...

I LOVE my children and LOVE being with them, but I LOVE my time alone, too! I love my time to read, write, play tennis, or ride a horse - or sometimes, just to think.

I understand your disappointment because it has happened to me, and I'm sure, to every other mother, too.

And getting little sleep is the worst!

It's nice that you can talk about it on your blog. I hope that helps in purging some of the frustration.

Make up for it by putting domesticity aside for a specific amount of time and do something that you especially just want to do.

I'm always pleased to know that you can relate so much to scripture and God's will for your life. What a comfort! :)

Anita said...

Oh, I forgot to say: Love the picture of the little "darling." :)