My heart palpitates as I think about New Year’s resolutions. Goals for the coming year, assessments of last year and a path for 2011 are all topics that make my stomach all twisty. Yes ma’am.
I tend to get stuck on the lousy facts. The failures. I didn’t submit one single article for publishing and I have an insane habit of negative talk. I think bad thoughts, I talk ugly to myself and I even talk rudely about others all in an effort to make myself feel better. There are days when it seems I bring out the worst in everyone around me. Even though I had great intentions when I moved here, I have yet to own one single organized file and my computer remains a list of documents I couldn’t sift through quickly to save my life.
The truth is I have areas that need attention; these gaps need Jesus. I am a person with flaws. I see life, others and myself through a cracked lens.
Truth is Jesus can fix this.
Trouble is will I let Him.
I have this terrible tendency to get down on myself and wallow in my failures when instead I should let failure drive me to Jesus.
On the flip side of this 2010 was full of accomplishments too. I fought cancer and completed treatment. I moved my family to a new city. I took some steps toward my desire to lead women to Jesus and attended my first She Speaks conference. I ran my first half marathon and learned to cook many new healthy meals. I even made my local health food store and fruit stand regular stops.
The past year has given me many large celebrations, some smaller ones and a laundry list for the coming year. I’ve sorted laundry and had some celebratory parties as I accepted my friend Sandy’s challenge to get some goals this week. She has outlined some great steps to follow that are so full of grace and promise.
In order to keep the parties of the celebratory variety, I also took my friend Karen’s advice and am letting my failures and regrets drive me to Jesus instead of into the ground.
“Turn and come to my rescue.
Show me your wonderful love
And save me, Lord.”