One year ago today, I was wondering.
One year ago today, I was trying not to worry.
One year ago today, I was very preoccupied.
This is the anniversary of the day I began a wrestling match with God’s goodness and His sovereignty. No matter what the coming days held, did I believe He is who He says He is? The line was being drawn and I either would or I wouldn’t.
It would become my word for last year.
I became well acquainted with fear. I learned to look it in the eyes. I also learned that fear the noun and fear the verb are two completely different monsters. I now know that living in the presence of fear is not being afraid. I learned to hold up the shield of faith to ward off the attacks that fear brings.
For Christmas one of my friends sent me a necklace with this verse inscribed on it: “Take delight in the LORD,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
I’ve found that I can fight fear with this verse. The deepest desire of my heart is this: “One thing I ask from the LORD,
this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
and to seek him in his temple.”
The very thing I’ve wrestled fear over, my life, is something fear or even death can never take from me.
As far as the details, I’m not a super saint, I tell the Lord over and over that I want to see my children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren grown and serving Him wholeheartedly before I leave this earth. When fear threatens that, I simply tell God again and again and then I quote Psalm 37:4 again.
I’ve been wearing my necklace every day this week. Just knowing this whole week is a crazy type of anniversary, the cancer anniversary, makes my insides all twirly. My throbbing head wants to ignore the whole ordeal but the date on the calendar demands I remember.
Really I think my faith demands it. I’m taking a moment today to sing God praises for bringing me safely to the other side of one of the biggest fears a girl could ever face. Cancer. I’m thanking God that in the face of disaster He is who He says He is. He is good.
I’m also taking a moment today to thank you for being the type of bloggy friends who helped to pull me through. You are the best!
Thankful the anniversary of cancer is a happy one!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
To win a copy of Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst, click here and leave a comment. Winner to be announced on Monday.