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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Unpacking a Year

As I sit and unpack the past year, I shake my head. How can I even begin to lay out the most emotional year of my life?

I started the year by telling God I wouldn’t let fear rule me. I labeled 2010 The Year of No Fear. The first three weeks of January brought sickness, accidents and lice and if that wasn’t enough, a biopsy.

The rest is history. Cancer history. And while those two words feel  great to write side by side, the cancer care lifestyle is anything but history. Maintenance is my new best friend.

And that’s okay. Actually that’s miraculous.

I sit here each day at my kitchen table and ask God what I need for 2011. I keep getting one word: Survival.

I don’t like that word. I didn’t appreciate it earlier this year when survival brought adrenalin pumping, tear jerking, life altering decisions in a weird calmness soldiers in Iraq must surely understand.

And I don’t welcome that word now when it brings back memories of all those years of changing diapers, early morning feedings and nary a night’s sleep. Today it means getting the kids off each morning, preparing for their return, homework, dinner and bedtime at which point I fall into my own bed for a few hours and repeat. Hate that way of life.

If cancer is a teacher it teaches one to slow down, enjoy each moment escaping a stressful life’s cheating embrace.

The truth is even the power cancer possesses is not enough to give me the strength to live this way.  I must tap into the power of the One who created life and took my cancer.

Sometimes tapping that power seems elusive. Y’all, I’m tired and that is where I sit again today. Tired.

I don’t know about you but when I’m tired, I’m forgetful. All I can seem to remember when my brain shuts down from exhaustion are the things at the top of my to do list and that usually reads, “wash underwear and fill drawers” or “feed and bathe dirty, hungry children,” not “tap into God’s miraculous power.”

But God.

He set some things into motion long ago when others struggled with the same issues. I will soon start Backpacking Through Joshua with Amber.

In Exodus 17, Moses sends Joshua and some strong men out to battle per God’s orders. Then Moses and two of his friends climb to the top of a mountain.

They soon realized that when Moses holds his staff in the air, the Israelites are winning the battle but when he lowers his arms, the Israelites begin losing.

When Moses gets tired, his friends give him a rock to sit on and they each hold an arm in the air so the battle can be won.

I unpack some great truths for my own tired self here.

1.     The battle is won by a position of praise. I will raise my hands and praise God even when I’m tired.
2.     Don’t climb the mountain alone. I need to take some girlfriends with me. (If you don’t have some besties to hold you up when you get tired, pray. God is faithful.)
3.     Remember the ultimate Helper. The Holy Spirit’s job is to be ever-present and helping us each day.

After the battle was won, God instructs Moses to write the story down as a reminder to Joshua. This tells me even the most Godly of leaders are prone to get tired and forget. We are no different.

So I think I’ll print these truths at the top of today’s to do list!


Cindy said...

Praying for you as you 'unpack' your year and begin a new one! Praying as you recall the Greatness of God and His Unlimited Grace.
Please be praying for me as I 'unpack' a life now being spent with Jesus and begin a new journey alone:)

Mining for Diamonds said...

I so enjoy your posts and following your journey, Lisa. It has been an amazing ride and I am certain the best is yet to come for you, because I believe that God has yet to fulfill His purpose through your life. You're just getting started! I want to thank you for visiting and commenting over at my site this past year. I'm sort of "revamping" things and I have a new account and a "new" version of the old site that I'm experimenting with. I'd appreciate it if you stopped by and visited! :) Thanks for your inspiration...you inspire me to keep writing, which is the only thing I'm endeavoring to "resolve" to do in 2011! :) Blessings to you!

Andrea said...

Praising GOD with you for all HE has done through you this past year! You are a walking, talking, breathing, miracle and I am thankful I was allowed the privilege to storm the heavens with you on this journey. Thank you for sharing openly and willingly with each of us...the good, bad, and even the ugly of it all. I will be forever thankful GOD brought you into my life. You are an inspiration!

Debbie said...

Another wonderful post that I can soo relate to Lisa. Yes, what an emotional year this has been for me too, and yes I too am tired. But you are soo right. I WILL praise Him for all He has done and will continue to do in our lives, and thank Him for the support and encouragement I have received along the way. May 2011 find us diligently going about all He has for us to do and remembering how we got there. HAPPY NEW YEAR to you and your family...May the Lord richly bless you with all of His best in 2011! HUGS

Aliene said...

Dear Lisa, I visited your blog way back and became a follower. When my computer crashed I lost a lot of my followers.
Just wanted to say that I am added you again and saw some of the things you are going through. I added you to my prayer list and want you to know that I will help hold your hand in prayer.
Take a look at my blog a little later. It is in the process of overhaul. But you can still read post. God bless you and be very near and give you strength as you face the new year.

Lisa Buffaloe said...

Sweet Lisa, I'm holding you up in prayer. God provides the strength you need, His supply is without limit. Rest in Him, and like manna for the Israelites, He'll provide for each and every day.

Happy New Year, sweet one!

Sandy Cooper said...

"If cancer is a teacher it teaches one to slow down, enjoy each moment escaping a stressful life’s cheating embrace.The truth is even the power cancer possesses is not enough to give me the strength to live this way. I must tap into the power of the One who created life and took my cancer."

This is so true. Losing a child teaches you the same thing. But, surprisingly, only for the short-term. I, too, must tap into the power of the one who created that child...who sustained me during the grief of losing that child.

Holding you up in prayer and so very thankful to count you among my "besties."


B His Girl said...

Unpacking the year now gives you room for new things Lisa. You have been in survival mode. What a year you have had! I pray 2011 brings a refreshing in your life, days filled with smelling the roses of God's goodness and rest in His plans for your life. Look expectantly for all the Lord has for you in 2011. He loves you.

Mining for Diamonds said...

I just read your lice post. Ewww! I feel you on that one! We had bedbugs in 2009, and let me tell you, that was NOT fun. It was absolutely disgusting, and mental and physical torture. I don't ever want to go through that again!

Hey, I learned about the She Speaks conference through your blog. It came to mind today and I'm actually praying about going this year! It's so close to me (a 3 hour drive) it would be a shame not to. I couldn't last year because of our trip, but it is within my reach this year! I think it is time for me to take some bold steps in my desires for writing and speaking and sharing! Thanks for your inspiration! If you come again too, perhaps we'll meet face to face! Happy New Year!

Jen said...

Hard to believe it's only been a year since I met you while taking a little safari, sister. You're an inspiration, and I pray for you every.single.day.
Love you more than you know!!