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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Inventory

I sit down this morning hopeful but with a heavy heart. I am in the middle of inventory. Questions swirl in my mind. These questions must be asked and answered. My gut wrenches at the honesty. My heart breaks at my own frailty.


Does my calendar match my priorities? Do I have realistic expectations of myself, of my time, of my goals for this season?


Frustration is my constant companion these days. That tells me I need to change my thinking a bit (okay a lot) or remain grumpy. The turmoil is caused by the tension created by saying yes to God while still managing my chaotic and rather strong-willed crew. 


God has called and I know God has a plan; a doable plan that probably relies more on Him and less on me! The trouble is I have heard His voice, I think I understand and I have formulated my own plan. My plan is wreaking havoc with my life so I think I need a new plan. His doable plan will suffice, if I only knew exactly what it is.  I’ve been crying out for an answer. Begging for the space. Rearranging for the time. Pushing for results. 


Last night I realize maybe I’m going about this the wrong way. Again.


As I open my journal this morning a verse in my own handwriting speaks to me in a new way. An answer to my constant questions. For the first time in a long time I feel silence in my heart. I smile. The raw honesty inventory reveals isn’t heartbreaking anymore it’s freeing. I’m a work in progress.


Trying to make this overwhelmingness of the soul about me is so well, me. My mind isn’t all a jumble because of what I need to do. It’s that way because I’m still learning how He works. I’m still learning to recognize His workings. I’m still learning how to let Him do things for me and in me. I’m once again reminded His work is light; it’s not a burden.


God’s promise to us is this, “I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew 11:30 The Msg)


We will learn together.


“As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work.” Colossians 1:11a The Msg



10 comments:

Cochran Family said...

Thank you Lisa. I love your openness and honesty. I needed to read this today :)

Mandy Rhoden said...

I know I don't often leave little notes of encouragement and sometimes I feel as though I should do more. You touch my heart in more ways than one and I am thankful today and for the rest of my days I have met a blogging friend such as yourself that can spiritually and physically lift me out of my rut that I have been in. Thank you Lisa, I am forever grateful for the way you are letting God use you and inspire others to chase after Him.

Denise said...

I love you, and your very honest, open heart sis.

Nana's Nuggets said...

Hi! Lisa, great thoughts, I needed this today, for too my post is trying to say it, but kinda just want come out. Not sure how I feel today. But keeping Christ as close as I can feel Him today! Thank you Lord for our Honesty! It builds character in You!

Shelly @ Life on the Wild Side said...

I so get this.

KELLY W said...

Wow, you said it all and so beautifully! You are such an inspiration to me. Thank you sweet friend.

Deborah said...

You are awesome! I hope you plan on writing a book someday. You should if you haven't thought about it. I think I have mentioned this before. But your words just flow beautiful, from your heart.
Blessings to you. You are always in my prayers.
xxoo
Deborah

Anonymous said...

Wow neat! This is a really great site! I am wondering if anyone else has come across something
like this in the past? Keep up the great work!

Cindy Bultema said...

Praying for you today, sweet sister. May the Lord infuse you with His peace, wisdom, and Truth. May He reveal to you His plan for this season (no, slow, go ~ remember from Renee?). May you hear His voice clearly as He leads and guides you during this season. And may your home be filled with JOY! He picked you, dear Lisa, to manage your chaotic crew!! Choose JOY! :)
Sending much love from Michigan!!
Cindy :)

Karen Ehman said...

Lisa--
Praying for you today as you sort through His "To do" list for your life. Live your priorities, sweet sister. Your heart to do just that shines through in your words.