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Thursday, July 29, 2010

She Dreams

I’ve been staring at my blank computer screen for hours. Days really.

In just a few hours I will board a plane that will take me one step closer to a dream. When I land I will be in a place I’ve only seen before in my dreams.

I am going with great expectations. I am going scared.

This weekend I will be attending a conference called She Speaks. I know God will meet with me there. He’s made it clear it’s where He would have me this weekend.

And yet, I am scared.

Tomorrow I will get all dressed up in structured clothes and cute pointy-toed shoes to tell my story. I will be giving two talks this weekend. I have one all ready to go. For the other all I have is a blank computer screen and an open heart.

For some reason I’m having trouble putting my story into words. The tears started last night just after midnight and haven’t stopped yet.

I have but one prayer.

Lord, don’t waste this on me. Don’t let me waste this.

You see, as much as I want to know Him, I want to make Him known. I want my life to be a blessing to others. I want it to count.

I feel pressure to be uniquely me in this three-minute talk. I’m just still not sure who me is. After all this time and all the promises God’s so gently placed within my heart, I still can’t figure it out. I feel lost, twelve-years-old. Again.

If you’re like me, you get this feeling. It’s something I’ve wanted for so long and yet, I’m still not quite sure what to do with it! I feel the dream is within my grasp… I pray I don’t let it slip away. If you’ve ever felt this way, please share!

And if you’re going to She Speaks, look for me. I’ll be the girl whipping flip flops out of her purse when no one is looking.

I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand Isaiah 51:16


Kathy@ Gone North said...

"Being confident in this that He who began a good work in you will carry in on to completion..."
Certain that You will be a Blessing, as you have already Blessed so many.
Will be Praying for you this weekend ( & wishing that I was going :)

Shelly @ Life on the Wild Side said...

Hey Lisa, I was in your shoes (well, minus the cancer) last year when I went to She Speaks. I was totally scared, but I met such wonderful women there. Plus, I got to hang out with Sandy (God Speaks Today) all weekend! How cool is that?! :)

Be confident that God is in this and He won't let you waste it. You will be encouraged. You will be uplifted. You will be very tired when you get home. But it will all be worth it.

As an additional encouragement, I just want to tell you a little bit about how God answered my prayers from SheSpeaks. Two days after I got home I was walking my dog and praying, saying basically that I was open to whatever God had for me. I would obey. I would follow. I would say yes to whatever He wanted me to do. Two days after that I got a call--completely out of the blue--from someone who wanted me to speak at their church's women's retreat. I did that last March (had a blast!), and now I have three more speaking engagements for this Fall. I have not pursued any of it; I've just been open to what God has for me.

Believe me, He has something great in store for you, and He will do it. God bless you. Can't wait for the update when you get home.


Jill said...

Lisa, Your words describe how I was feeling a year ago as I prepared for She Speaks! Trust Him, He has you right where He wants you! He will work in you and through! And He'll speak to you and through you! You will be blessed and you will be a blessing! I struggled with the why I was going last year; like I didn't have anything to share or say, but God had so much to say to me! You will have an amazing experience and I can't wait to read all about it!! Be prepared for the unexpected it will be all you dream of and more!!! As I think about your blank screen this quote from Renee S. comes to mind, "God wants us to lay aside all of our worries and all of our efforts to do things right and come to Him with empty hands." Come empty and you will leave FULL!! Not just your hands but your heart will be overflowing!!! Blessings to you and I will be praying, Jill

Alleluiabelle said...

I love you my friend...thinking about you and praying.

Big Hugs,

Karen said...

Just put this "burden" in the hands of the Lord and rely on Him to speak thru you.Works every time....blessings and prayers

Kimberly said...

I am so glad someone else is also thinking of sneaking some flip-flops. :)

I am such a bundle of excitement and totally nervous, too. I do not want to miss a single thing He has for me this weekend. I realize what an honor and a privilege it is that I am even getting to go this year...and I do not want to waste this time either.

I will be praying for you and keeping an eye out for you to say "hi" in person. :)


Pamela (His maidservant) said...

Lisa-I was able to go a couple of years ago and it was an amazing journey. I didn't do one track but a variety of sessions from all three tracks and God has used them all since. Here is what I give you as you prepare your heart...
"The LORD will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands." ~Psalm 138:8

The Lord will perfect your words...be still and let Him work in you. His mercy is unbelievable isn't it? He will not forsake the work He is beginning in you.

Have fun!!

Believing Him...Experiencing Him~Pamela

Patrina's Pencil said...

I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand Isaiah 51:16

YES He has! Trust God now... as you've always done before! I'm up in your balcony cheering you on! GO girl! God will meet you at center stage...just walk, it will be OK!

Praying for a marvelous weekend!
Patrina <")>><

Moshelle said...

The 3 minute testimony seems near impossible. Just remember: You are there to learn, not be perfect. You are suppose to make mistakes. You are in an environment created to grow you in love. I'm excited for you!
Big hugs!

Denise said...

My precious sis, everything is going to be ok. Your traveling companion(our heavenly Father) will carry you through this weekend. You will bless with the heart you share. I love you, and will be praying.

Wilhelmine Mitchell said...

You will do good. God is good. I love you!

Tea with Tiffany said...

Father God, you see Lisa and you are so pleased with her. The dreams You've given her are Yours. By design, she is at She Speaks this weekend. I pray You will bless her beyond her wildest dreams. Bless all the speakers and the attendees. Connect Lisa with hearts like hers. Inspire her to dream big. Show her which stories to share. What You wouldn't do to make a way for a precious heart who wants to make YOU known! I believe You are up to something big. Part the waters, LORD, part the raging sea. Your girl is ready to walk on through. Bless her, Jesus. Thank You... Amen.

Jen said...

You'll do beautifully. I will be praying especially for you.