I’m frazzled, restless. I’m familiar with this old feeling. I don’t like it much. I feel like a bad country song. Remember the one about the fast moving train? That describes this ole heart of mine. Can’t get focused, stay focused or decide what it really wants.
This morning I’m frustrated but not really sure why and I’m irritated with myself because I didn’t get up when my alarm went off. Instead I chose to snuggle deeper into a warm, soft bed until the ticking clock forced me up to round up the kids and rush them out the door to VBS. That refrain is all too familiar in my life. I love my sleep.
I don’t like the basic facts, what this says about me. You see, when I get down on a deep gut-honest level with God, I want to want to meet with Him first thing much more than I want to snuggle a few more minutes in a warm, soft bed dealing with my racing, pounding heart and my ever-growing daily list. But, I don’t.
Once they’re off, I decide to put some things in proper perspective and spend time in God’s Word. I’m so jumpy this morning, I don’t even know quite where to start. I decide to open my Bible to where I left off in John. Before I begin reading, I bow my head to pray.
Lord, help me to say yes today.
That’s it. My one simple request, my goal for this day is to recognize His leading and follow without reservation.
As I read my mind drifts back to my unwillingness to get out of bed. Again. I’m not sure if there are any lingering effects of the radiation but I know me. That would just be a convenient excuse to stay wrapped up in night’s warmth. I’m a slow starter. Always have been. Mornings are hard. Always have been. It’s an area I’ve asked God to help me conquer over and over again. I will do so well for a while and then back to rolling over and turning off the alarm. I want to kick this bad habit once and for all. After all, I have a million lovely reasons, or at least four, to jumpstart my morning each and every day.
There it is.
“In the same way, anyone who holds to life just as it is destroys life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal.” John 12:5
The extra hour in bed snuggling in a warm little ball isn’t eternally worth it. I want to love Jesus so recklessly, I will deny my tired fleshly body what many would say it deserved, after radiation treatment and all, an extra hour after I’m already awake in bed.
Lord, I will get up to meet with You. My own desire isn’t enough. In Your strength only can I do this. I confess how much I need You.
I want God’s best in every area of my life, no matter what it looks like. That’s what I want. No compromise. That’s why I’m choosing to get up with my alarm this week. I want to be ready to say yes. Ya’ll hold me accountable, ok?
How will you follow His lead this week? What will you choose to do?
“If any of you want to serve me, then follow me. Then you’ll be where I am, ready to serve at a moment’s notice. The Father will honor and reward anyone who serves me.” John 12:26