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Thursday, July 08, 2010

My Ole Restless Heart

This post is part of Sandy's series 30 Days of Hearing God.

I’m frazzled, restless. I’m familiar with this old feeling. I don’t like it much. I feel like a bad country song. Remember the one about the fast moving train? That describes this ole heart of mine. Can’t get focused, stay focused or decide what it really wants.

This morning I’m frustrated but not really sure why and I’m irritated with myself because I didn’t get up when my alarm went off. Instead I chose to snuggle deeper into a warm, soft bed until the ticking clock forced me up to round up the kids and rush them out the door to VBS. That refrain is all too familiar in my life. I love my sleep.

I don’t like the basic facts, what this says about me. You see, when I get down on a deep gut-honest level with God, I want to want to meet with Him first thing much more than I want to snuggle a few more minutes in a warm, soft bed dealing with my racing, pounding heart and my ever-growing daily list. But, I don’t.

Once they’re off, I decide to put some things in proper perspective and spend time in God’s Word. I’m so jumpy this morning, I don’t even know quite where to start. I decide to open my Bible to where I left off in John. Before I begin reading, I bow my head to pray.

Lord, help me to say yes today.

That’s it. My one simple request, my goal for this day is to recognize His leading and follow without reservation.

As I read my mind drifts back to my unwillingness to get out of bed. Again. I’m not sure if there are any lingering effects of the radiation but I know me. That would just be a convenient excuse to stay wrapped up in night’s warmth. I’m a slow starter. Always have been. Mornings are hard. Always have been. It’s an area I’ve asked God to help me conquer over and over again. I will do so well for a while and then back to rolling over and turning off the alarm. I want to kick this bad habit once and for all. After all, I have a million lovely reasons, or at least four, to jumpstart my morning each and every day.

There it is.

“In the same way, anyone who holds to life just as it is destroys life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal.” John 12:5

The extra hour in bed snuggling in a warm little ball isn’t eternally worth it. I want to love Jesus so recklessly, I will deny my tired fleshly body what many would say it deserved, after radiation treatment and all, an extra hour after I’m already awake in bed.

Lord, I will get up to meet with You. My own desire isn’t enough. In Your strength only can I do this. I confess how much I need You.

I want God’s best in every area of my life, no matter what it looks like. That’s what I want. No compromise. That’s why I’m choosing to get up with my alarm this week. I want to be ready to say yes. Ya’ll hold me accountable, ok?

How will you follow His lead this week? What will you choose to do?

“If any of you want to serve me, then follow me. Then you’ll be where I am, ready to serve at a moment’s notice. The Father will honor and reward anyone who serves me.” John 12:26


Kathy@ Gone North said...

Thanks for the reminder, Lisa.
Reminds of yrs. ago... my brother came to know the Lord as an adult. He told me that after a few months he felt like the fire was dying out. He then came to realize that he was spending time with the Lord at night & not in the morning. He said, "I would be all on fire for God & then go to sleep on it. When I spend time with Him in the morning, I am ready with Him, to meet my day" ...
I thought at the time, that was so wise. You reminded me today how important that needs to be for me.

"His mercies are new every morning"

Andrea said...

Thanks for always allowing GOD to speak through you, here.
Hugs, andrea

kim said...

Your post so relates to my heart, as I, too, keep turning off the alarm. (I even set my phone alarm and leave it in the kitchen and it goes off and off every 5 minutes for like a half hour before I finally get up.) My thing is that I do need to be more disciplined in getting to bed so I get enough sleep. Before cancer treatment I could get by with 5-6 hours of sleep a night, now it is definately 7-8 hours. (Much better for my health.) Thanks for the encouraging post and maybe we will both get up and meet God tomorrow morning!

Sandy Cooper said...

A few things: First, I, too, have a love of sleep. I have written about it so many times on my blog, I almost feel like it should be my tag-line.

"God Speaks Today: and I love sleep"

On January 1st I made a resolution to get my butt out of bed every day at 5 am and write, then pray. I did it. Until school let out. Now I'm struggling to get up at 7. I mean STRUGGLING.

And the unreserved "yes" for God. Remember...we feel in bloggy love over our "year of yes" posts? My heart still beats with the same passion to say yes without reservation.

I am rejoicing with you that God is speaking to you this week. I've got nothing else to add, because I really just want to step back and watch him do his thing. Ya know?

Love you

Bernie said...

I too am hesitant to get up in the mornings, I always begin my day with a prayer and with God's help I make my way to the shower then downstairs for breakfast.....being a diabetic and living with arthritis I am especially stiff and sore in the morning. I always offer up my pain with his on the cross, it puts it in perpective for me and I know he accepts me and all I am able to give just the way I am.......:-)Hugs

Denise said...

Thanks for being you sis, I love you.

Donna said...

Lisa, thanks for another beautiful and so inspiring post! Thank you for sharing how God is speaking to you in all kinds of ways. I want to be ready to say yes and to follow His lead, wherever it may go. Thanks for sharing!