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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Evening Reflections

Tonight, the eve of my last radiation treatment, my thoughts are all over the place. My team asked this morning and my husband asked this evening. Am I excited?

Yeah. I am. I’m not all jumpy and spastic and stuff because I’m, well, tired, sore and a little melancholy too. Pain just throws me for a loop. I don’t know how to celebrate this so I’m taking some time to process it tonight.

I definitely felt like today was worth celebrating. I was tired. The drive was tough. The kids were exceptionally well behaved. It’s like they knew. Mom’s had her limit. Be kind. Be helpful. They did. They were.

This afternoon we explored the joys of redbox. We rented three movies. We sat in a pile on the couch in the dark and watched. Thanks to the good doc and cute nurse Mitzi, I was able to reach a combo of pain meds and bandages that worked and I dozed a bit. A good sleep always seems to help my perspective. And my energy level. If I get this right tonight and I’m able to sleep all night I might just be perky, jumpy and a little spastic in the morning.

I haven’t slept in quite a few days due to pain. When I can get my pain under control the itching is completely insane. When I can get the pain meds to make a feel slightly woozy, I can’t get comfortable enough to sleep more than fifteen or twenty minutes. And so it’s been for the last several nights. Cat naps. I don’t like cats.

On a side note, thank you all for all your suggestions on how to treat radiation dermatitis. I am always open to what worked for you. I will try anything. And this afternoon I actually feel better than I did yesterday. That’s a praise. Thank you, Lord!

Maybe the normal thing to do the eve before you finish treatment is just what I’ve been doing. Sit in a pile on the couch with those you love most and just rest in their love and be thankful that treatment is almost done and there are more days to enjoy one another.

I found myself here today. In Psalm 143.
“I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done. I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain…May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing. For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life.” Verses 5, 6, 10 &11


Bernie said...

Oh sweetie, I am so glad you have only one session left. My friend ended up with burns and blisters and she was so sore, my heart aches for you....I didn't have this, I only used baby powder for 30 treatments. I hope your doctor can find something to help the skin to heal, once that is done you are over all of this. It is like a bad dream, surreal I know but I know you will pick yourself up and go forward as God wants you too.......so do I. Luv you...:-)Hugs

Denise said...

Sweet sis, wish I were there to give you huge hugs. Please know, I am here celebrating with you. I love you.

bigfatmama said...

Oh Lisa, I am praying for you, I really am. I am believing in God's healing for you.

When I decided to start my blog in April I thought to myself over and over, who am I to do this, what do I have to say, there are so many other great women out there..could God really use me?

I just had to push those thoughts away and move on.

I KNOW God is using you already. Even when your body and even your mind don't feel it, recite God's truth over and over. His word is the truth, and our negative thoughts are lies!

"Whoever lives in me and I in him shall produce a large crop of fruit. For apart from me you can't do a thing." John 15:5

I know you are in Christ and so it is true...God is going to produce a large crop of fruit from you. Praise God!

Big Fat Mama

Loren said...

Praying for you and asking for rest, pain and itching be still! I hated that for my dad....I know it hurts and itches so badly ~ I'm so sorry! Can they give you something to help you sleep?

So glad you were able to have a night like tonight! The finish line starts in the morning :) I pray you are able to get a bit giddy :)

Hugs ever so gently,


Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

I'm so glad you are finishing up the radiation. I will continue to pray for you.

MommaMindy said...

I am praying, as I type, that the Lord would bring sleep, healing to your skin and His presence through it all. I so long for you to feel His love and spirit so deeply that you will be able to abide in the suffering. We readers would love to take this cup from you, but it is the Lord's will, not our own. So, we will pray you through.

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Hip, hip hooray!!!! And CONGRATULATIONS!!! You made it!!! Will be celebrating with you!!! In the meantime, I'm still praying! Love you, Janine XO

Christie said...


I'm late reading this post so I hope today has gone well for you.

So glad that you were able to manage your pain and spend some quality time with the kids...while napping!! What could be better!?

Anyway, sending my prayers and love your way!