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Thursday, June 10, 2010

Called


While I was traveling last week, I had lots of time to think. Extended times of quiet allow me to indulge in some serious reflection. As I sat on the plane, I came to one conclusion. I am way too much like Moses. When God asks me to do something, I am full of hesitation. I offer many colorful excuses. I can’t believe God would really choose to use me. I don’t see how I could be useful for His kingdom. And I certainly proceed to tell Him all about it.

On the ride to Orange County, I just got to the hesitation part. When God speaks, I hesitate. I hate it when my children make me repeat myself. I realized they are just like me. Ouch!

I have determined to do something about this. The reason is twofold. I don’t want to hesitate with the Lord. When He calls my name, I want to scream yes at the top of my lungs, jump to my feet and run to His arms. I want to kiss the timid girl that whispers goodbye and embrace the me that lives large, sings loud and dances big. I also want my children to see what God can do with a life that lives in the yes. Because I know if you see a life lived in this way, you can’t help but want it.

Period.

Maybe I was filled with hesitation and insecurity this past week because I went to visit Mo. The last time I spent any amount of time in person with Mo, I was twelve. Or maybe fifteen, that’s the year I moved. The last time I spent a weekend with Mo, I was filled with teenagerish and awkward emotions, doubts, insecurities and questions. I revisited those this weekend. Not in a bad way. The weekend was far from discouraging. It was one of the most encouraging weekends of my entire life.

Since I got back, I’ve been having this dream over and over again. It’s of my dad tucking me in bed when I was little. He used to tuck me in real tight with all the covers wrapped snug around my body. I called it a cocoon. I loved how safe I felt in those minutes. How warm I felt. I loved how my daddy took the time to hold me close and reassure me of his love for me. Every night I spent at his house he would do this even into my teens.

I treasured those moments that I felt safe in this world. I felt loved, protected and cared for in those precious few minutes.

I realized this week that I’m still that same girl searching for some significance and reassurance from my Father. As I read the story of Moses last night, I realized Moses needed God’s reassurance. Six times in Exodus 4 alone, Moses questions God before he finally just goes to free God’s people.

His job wasn’t easy. He tried again and again. And when the Israelites were finally free, Moses’ job only got more difficult! But God was patient with him. God let him know again and again that he was not alone. God filled in his gaps. God provided all he needed.

I am reminded that even in my hesitation, even in my questioning, even in my insecurities, God has called me and His word is clear. He will do what He has said He will do.

"The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24

9 comments:

Denise said...

Thanks for always answering His call, love you.

Debbie said...

Lisa, I can't begin to tell you how much your posts bless me. The Lord is REALLY using you in my life right now. This spoke to me soo much. I too always feel soo unworthy and insignificant to be used by God, and yet if there is anything I can do, if ever He calls my name, I too want to run and say, "Here I am"...I love that verse..it really says it all. have a wonderful day...Hugs, Debbie

Donna said...

Thank you for sharing a wonderful, thought provoking message! I too feel hesitant to step out at times. But like you, I long to "scream yes at the top of my lungs, jump to my feet and run to His arms." Thanks for the reminder that "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:24

Blessings to you and your family!

Bernie said...

Lisa, I could of wrote this post I am so much like this.....you are doing so much better than me and I am happy that you are. Keeping you in my heart and prayers....:-Hugs

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Lisa, You are ALWAYS such an inspiration!!! Thank you for standing so strong and authentically for Him!!! You touch and encourage us all! Still praying daily for you! And sending you huge hugs! Love, Janine XOXO

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

I think you describe all of us in being like Moses. Well, too often I realize I'm just like the Israelites and God has to work hard to bring me back. His patience with me is never ending though, and I'm so thankful for that. Thanks for this wonderful post.
Blessings,
Marcia

Lisa Buffaloe said...

Thank you, sweet lady. I needed to read your post this evening.

Thank you for the reminder, encouragement, and blessing!

Andrea Frazer - Pass the Zoloft said...

There is totally nothing wrong with being like Moses! (But if you start growing chin hairs, know that God is calling you for a wax job. There's no shame in that.)

Renee Swope said...

Me, you and Moses...we're so much alike. I am so much like what you described here. I get it girl and I am so proud of you for stepping out of those shadows of doubt and dancing big in the light of God's assurance, calling and love!!

Hugs,
Renee