Today on the seventh floor, I got hugs and advice and really just the blessing of a shared experience. I didn’t get to see both my “friends” but I got to see lots of people and I did get to see some of my friends so it all worked out real well.
Tonight I’m asking you to pray for Cathy and her family. Cathy is fighting advanced lung cancer. She is making the move to palliative care once they can get her pain managed a little better. She has two young children and a whole host of friends and family who love her very much. She has a huge faith in God and a mighty big battle to fight.
As I was leaving the waiting room, one of Cathy’s friends whispered to me. She told me to, “Breathe in faith and breathe out fear.” Aren’t those wise words? They hit home with me today.
I feel like the fear part of cancer can kind of sneak up on me. It can envelope me when I least expect it. That’s stinky. Today the fear that is threatening me is a silly little girl fear.
You see, back in April my husband and I decided that the only way to make it through the everyday monotony and emotional drain of radiation would be to have some breaks in my schedule. By breaks I mean to indulge in some fun stuff that I normally don’t get to do but that I would look forward to each week. I went to see Jimmy Buffett. I spent a day with my bff Ashley. I went to the beach with my family. And this weekend I’m flying to see a friend I grew up with.
Our friendship was built on faith as we shared church and summer camp and Bible memory together as children. We lost touch when I moved in tenth grade until I attended her wedding. Then we lost touch until face book reunited us last year.
It’s amazing to see how a friendship built on faith, even childlike faith, can last through the years. I can’t wait to spend time with her, hours on end just talking. I know we can go deep because even though the details of her life are vague to me, I know her heart. I share it. We both love Jesus like nothing else. We are attending a retreat with the ladies of her church. It’s almost like going to camp together all over again. We went to summer camp together for nine summers!
And you wouldn’t even believe how excited I am about this weekend. I can’t wait to tell you all about it! But in order to experience it, I have to leave way early in the morning, go to treatment and then get myself to the airport, parked, taxied and boarded. Alone. This makes me feel twelve.
When I decided 2010 would be my year of no fear, I wanted traveling alone to be one of the things that quit bringing me fear. I want the excitement to eclipse the fear. I hope that happens tomorrow. Because in July I have to do it again for She Speaks. Seriously, these things would have prevented me from going in the past. Like I said, I feel twelve.
I was reminded again today how God will never make me go alone, He’ll always hold my hand unless the fire gets too hot. Then He’ll “uphold” me. This is how Webster’s defines uphold: 1 a : to give support to b : to support against an opponent
2 a : to keep elevated b : to lift up.
God won’t just not leave me alone, He’ll give me support even against an opponent, like fear, and He will even lift me up and carry me. I can’t wait to tell you the adventures of getting myself to the airport, parked, taxied, checked in and boarded. They are sure to be fun but not as fun as the adventures I will be sure to have with my girlfriends and God this weekend!
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10