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Tuesday, May 18, 2010

My heart is drip, drip, dripping

Today my mind is dripping with questions. That sounds a whole lot better than filled with worry, doesn’t it? I can give you a sample of my questioning because I promise to end on a positive note.

I’m reminded of this post about water so I pour out my heart and all the questions that are in it to the Lord. The questions about how utterly.insanely.tired I feel. My arms hurt. My hands hurt. My legs hurt. My feet hurt. My back hurts. My head hurts. That’s how tired I am. I haven’t been sleeping well (The upside is that there are barely any more boxes… I found that zip cord, took pictures with my camera and will post them as soon as I can get up off of the couch!). Will this tired go away if I sleep a whole lot tonight? Will this aching stop? Will I get an appetite again? Will the seller, builder, home warranty company, insurance company or my husband and I end up paying for the water leak that has sprung somewhere between my first and second floor? Will my children ever adjust to the changes we are going through? Will I ever adjust to my husband’s work schedule?

You get the idea. It hasn’t been a bad day. But it has been a deflating, tiring, trying day. My skin is a little tender. My appetite is nowhere to be found and even though I’m exhausted, I can’t sleep. Yes, tonight I will make myself, don’t y’all worry.

But the whole water thing… pouring my heart out, pouring my ceiling out… got me thinking.


“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters.” Psalm 18:16

The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases. Proverbs 21:1

Like cold water to a weary soul is good news from a distant land. Proverbs 25:25

Just some of my favorite water verses.

Just reading them, watered my weary soul. They were very good words. I may not have the answers but I have The Answer. And having The Answer is better than having all the answers in the world. Knowing The Answer is so much sweeter than knowing the answers to all my questions that I have now and forevermore.

Still, my mind wanders to the help I will need to get through this week and the coming weeks and I remember this.

“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Psalm 46:1

Reading about my God’s right-there-with-me-always-ready-right-on-time help reminded me of this.

“I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-40

Did you see what I saw when I read that today? Neither present nor the future. My nifty New Living Bible says this, “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love… neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell (cancer, mini-floods inside new homes, nor emotionally needy children of very tired mommies) can separate us from God’s love… No, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

How awesome is that? I think that is the meaning of being consumed by Someone’s love.

Even before I hit publish, the phone rings. Our amazing God has met so graciously and abundantly met yet another need. Amen


Connie W said...

Wishing you some rest, some strength, and sending love in the name of Jesus. God is with you.

Bernie said...

Oh I know how tired you feel, and I do hope you get some rest. It will take a while for you to not feel tired Lisa, after you finish your treatment it will only be a short time before your energy comes back.....be patient and also be gentle with yourself.....you deserve some tender, loving care right now. Keeping you in my heart and prayers......:-) Hugs

Alleluiabelle said...

Oh sweet friend,

I haven't forgotten you...I am still praying. My sister just had her fourth Chemo treatment yesterday. That is her halfway mark. She has four more to go...one treatment every three weeks. I didn't hear from her tonight so I know that she probably was very tired today and went to bed early. Usually within the next couple of days after a treatment she gets very very tired, numbness in all of her fingertips and ends of her toes, pains here and there, then by the second week she has been getting a bladder infection. She is a fighter just like you my precious friend. God is walking you both through this trying time and you both will come out victoriously through Him and with Him and absolutely all for His glory.

I love you sweet one. I pray that you are blessed this night with a calm soothing sleep that only He can provide in Jesus name. Amen.

{{{Big Hugs}}}

Denise said...

Asking God to give you sweet rest sis, love you.

Cecelia said...

Wonderful writing, Lisa. With all you are going through, this would be a hard time to move. But, maybe that is keeping you involved in something instead of laying around, feeling bad. Hope you get to rest and that your strength and appetitie comes back.
Lots of hugs!

angie128 said...

Prayers for rest, peace, pain-free days, total and complete healing.

Isaiah 43:2-3a

Deb said...

So needed that today!
Thank you :)

Debbie said...

This was full as always of sooo many wonderful truths. Praying you got some rest last night and thanking God it ia all in His hands and timing. HUGS AND BLESSINGS, Debbie

Queenmothermamaw said...

Thank you dear Lisa for sharing such wisdom and strength.

liz said...

i am not american and i dont speak very well inglish, i have the same sarcome but in my leg, just to say to you that i had a same traitment i am from france, dont worry if you have not chimiotherapie, surgery is the best traitment and radiotherapy, my surgery was done in november 2008 and today im very well good luk to you try to forget evry time you can your cancer and try to live in the presentsorry for my english

Sniffles and Smiles said...

Oh, there is nothing like cancer treatment tired...but it will be over, and all your energy will return...Hang in there, dear friend! You are doing it one day at a time...and inspiring so many as you make the journey!! Love you and sending daily prayers on your behalf! Janine XO

chasity said...

you are such a beautiful and amazing woman.
i pray that you will get more energy and a good appetite again.

have you done any research about eating a raw diet? it sounds very promising to help the body fight cancer.

blessings to you dear lisa~