Tomorrow morning I am leaving bright and early for Houston. I’m just taking x-rays. Not really even that big of a deal. A series of x-rays is nothing.
Except in my case. A series of x-rays at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston is a miracle. Honestly, every procedure I’ve had done at MDACC is miraculous in nature so I know they won’t be ordinary x-rays. The techs will spend lots of time with me. They may even explain what they see on the x-rays or tell me there is nothing abnormal there to explain the pain I’ve been having.
Just entering the hospital and paying my co-pay without having to sit around a conference table with a bunch of advocates will be nice. I will definitely celebrate the fact that I have insurance benefits that allow me to pay a simple co-pay without having to negotiate a bill.
I am feeling weird. My emotions are crashing around me. Fear, anxiety, gratefulness, thanksgiving, excitement. The whole nesting feeling is returning in full force. I feel the need ot have a “plan,” to get settled, to be ready for what is to come. The idea of it makes me laugh. I haven’t been ready for any of this so far. I don’t think there is way to prepare for having cancer, receiving a diagnosis or beginning a treatment. I don’t think there is a single person who wouldn’t feel this way. I want my “life” taken care of so I can focus on fighting cancer. The reality is life happens and keeps happening. The show must go on so I will focus on placing one foot in front of the other. I will celebrate the moments and quit trying to put a period at the end of the sentence.
Today’s celebration is the ease with which I get to walk into MDACC, visit the people who saved my life a little over a month ago and be thankful. Period.
The fact that this monumental occurrence is happening on Good Friday is not lost on me. This day signifies miracles. This day signifies the life that is coming. This day signifies hope. The hope of what’s coming…
As Jesus said, “…and on the third day I will reach my goal.”
I'm looking forward to "the third day" in my own life.
“Today and tomorrow I'm busy clearing out the demons and healing the sick; the third day I'm wrapping things up. “ Luke 13:32 The Message