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Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Eventually

Spiritual lethargy. That’s what Daniel was about this (past) week. The question: Will we be about the king’s business diligently even when we feel spiritually confused and lethargic?

I’m not sure I’ve felt as much spiritually lethargic the past few days as just plain ol’ lethargic! I’m talking t.i.r.e.d. I feel as if I could sleep for several days and still wake up unrefreshed. I guess it’s the emotional stress of being diagnosed with cancer and having an insurance carrier who doesn’t care combined with the physical stress of having major surgery ten days ago that is kicking my booty. I really feel kicked this week. I’ve been sore, tired and a little withdrawn.

Oddly enough, the intensely long wait to find out what type of cancer I have, whether I will need chemo and if the prognosis of unsaid type of cancer is good or not is not what I feel weighing on me. My mind keeps going to a strange place and believe it, or not, I can once again take some pointers from Daniel.

Let me just interrupt here and say for the record that I feel like the reason I’ve experienced so much love for Daniel during this particular study instead of the normal disdain and confusion I feel about “end-time prophecy” is because instead of studying the book of Daniel, I’ve truly gotten to know Daniel the man. Instead of trying to understand the book of Daniel, I’ve identified with Daniel the man who loved God. A man who loved God so much, he never questioned Him and always obeyed Him. I’ve come to know and love Daniel, a man who had the character of the same Jesus with whom I share sonship as children of the Most High God. The same God Daniel loved.

Last week, Daniel had a dream, saw into scary events of the future, received divine revelation into the scary events and got sick because this supernatural experience totally freaked him out. Even though he didn’t feel well, he got up and tended to the king’s business. Diligently.

Here’s where I’ve been. Waiting for tumor results and contemplating some things I felt the Lord impress on me in prayer. Remember when I told you that I really thought God was telling me even though I have cancer that I would be okay. Eventually. Well, my mind has been camped upon that one word.

Eventually.

That word because ultimately I don’t know what comes between now and the time that I'm okay. Eventually. I’m just not sure I’m prepared to face the immediate future. Just bein’ honest, y’all. I know the truths. God will never leave, He will go the road with me, strengthen me, etc. Just not real sure I’m up for the fight.

I can wait for this tumor pathology because the longer the report is out, the longer I have hope that the report says there was no cancer in the tumor. Hope. That’s the reason the waiting isn’t so bad. As long as I don’t know what that report says, I have hope for a miracle. I like that feeling. I do.

Hope feels good.

And it’s taking all my energy to diligently keep hoping for a miracle.

This might be a little out of context, but I’m just sayin’

“I, Lisa, was exhausted and walked around in a daze for several days. Then I got a grip on myself and went about the king's business. But I continued to be upset by the vision. I couldn’t make sense of it.” Daniel 8:27 Lisa’s version

Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. Psalm 119:49-50

******Extra Good News Announcement*******

Just so ya’ll know, Amber is coming to see me on Sunday!! HisGirl (check out her blog for the 411) and her cousin.bff.bloggybuddy, Sing4Joy are coming to see me on Sunday!! Their extreme coolness and popularity in bloggyland are precisely the reason I signed up to study fall in love with Daniel and in the process I became part of the “in” crowd here in the blogosphere. So my Daniel assignment might be late on Monday but I’ll be sure to post a good real life story!

Hopefully,

8 comments:

His Girl said...

My favorite part of this study so far is not so much the studying the book either... it's been seeing God in Daniel & all you Safari Gals. What a blessing it is to me to watch you put yourself in his shoes and really draw strength from the same God that Danny did.

the same God.

how amazing is that?

Can't wait to see you.

like, CAN. NOT. WAIT.

Gretchen said...

Lisa, I stand in love w/Daniel, and especially w/God. Funny...those words, "stand in love" to me mean that I am literally standing in His love for us, along with Daniel, & all the other saints who have come before us. Does that make any sense? Probably not. Sounds good in my head, though. ;) I am convinced that this study was a divine appointment for us, & I'm further convinced that the Lord, Himself is using you in a mighty way to minister to all of us during all this cancer garbage that you've had to endure. Satan would love for you to capitulate. For you to quit this study & quit walking in victory. But girrrrl--every step you've taken through this disease process has glorified God. I am so proud of you. So humbled & strengthened by your faith, & so excited for His plans for you. That we can stand, in love, together is a beautiful thing indeed.

Heart you, girl.

Sing4joy said...

I love your insights on Daniel! And I appreciate your honesty about all that you're going through. Also, you are cool.

Andrea said...

Eventually....leads my mind to.."in the mean time"....so what's a girl to do..."in the mean time" waiting on "eventually?"
"In the mean time" a girl is to cling tightly to her Heavenly Father....and leave "eventually" and "in the mean time" in HIS hands where it belongs!
Yep, that sure is easier said than done....and because of that you will find me and many more storming the heavens on your behalf...."in the mean time" while we are all waiting on "eventually" to roll around the corner!!
Hugs, love, and lots of prayer,
Your crazy friend, andrea

Jennifer said...

Hi Lisa,

Just checking in to see how your surgery went and to see what God is doing in your life.

I know what you mean by t.i.r.e.d!

When I get to that point, I have to say to myself, ok, I surrender and here I am, Lord.

And as always, He lets me rest at His feet and comforts me with his amazing grace! And as always, I am back to my "refreshed" self. I'm so thankful I can ALWAYS go to my Father.

Have a great week!

Jen said...

Still praying for your results to come in soon and be over the top wonderful news!!
I agree with your thoughts that we're really studying *Daniel* -- the man. It's really been cool to see how Amber has written this to get us to focus on a person and his character, faith, and devotion. Everything I am striving to develop!
And I am so, so envious that you get a real life visit with His Girl!! Take loads of pictures and give her an extra hug from me. (And make sure she not only gives you several hugs from me, but a big old smooch as well!!)
Love you, sister!!

Jen said...

Oh! And what Gretchen said, "Satan would love for you to capitulate. For you to quit this study & quit walking in victory. But girrrrl--every step you've taken through this disease process has glorified God." -- YES!! Totally agree with this. Honestly, I stand in awe of you for continuing this study with all that is going on around you. All for His glory --- and lemme tell you, He is getting glorified mightily in all of this!!! xoxoxo

Denise said...

Great study.