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Monday, March 29, 2010

Dark Roads

I will lead Lisa and her family by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16

This is the email I received from my sweet friend Renee the other day. It struck something in me.

Deeply.

As we navigate the murky waters of a cancer diagnosis and treatment that even expert doctors and specialists don’t know a whole bunch about, we feel like we are wandering down a dark road. It can be really scary at times.

Saturday morning as Andrew and I laid in bed talking, I read him this verse as I wept. Then he prayed over me and I wept some more.

I have felt this tremendous release since Friday afternoon.

I have released emotions. I can’t stop crying.

I have felt released from the insurance battle against Scott and White. I am now free to seek the treatment necessary to save my life.

I have felt a release in God’s direction. Decisions we have been agonizing over for the past year suddenly became clearer this weekend.

I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that this feeling of being released is scary. I truly feel free of the Scott and White mess and although it’s a good feeling, it’s scary to know treatment, which I’ve been told most likely will be chemotherapy and then radiation, is looming. Yes, I’m ready to fight. Yes, I’m scared of what the toxic drugs will do to my body. Yes, I’m more scared of what the cancer will do if left untreated.

After a good heart-to-heart with God this morning, I feel like being scared is different from being fearful. I’m scared of what’s ahead, but I am ready to face it. Head on! I am not experiencing the paralyzing fear that holds us prisoner to the past. I will do what I need to do. Boldly. Fearlessly. Not alone.

I know God is by my side and when I need him to protect me, he’ll fall behind me. When I need him to lead me he’ll walk ahead. When I need him to comfort me, he’ll fall in step with me and slide his arm around me.

As the tears slid down my face Saturday morning, Andrew and I marveled at God’s leading and protecting. We clearly can look back and see his hand in the whole Scott and White battle. And that is comforting.

Even when we felt like we were stumbling around in the dark, he was there. Leading. Guiding. Protecting.

We left Friday’s hearing feeling God’s hand in getting me to MD Anderson for treatment was surely all over the events leading to now.

Had things gone a different way, I’m not sure I would have had my surgery in a high volume center which is what we all now know is one of the top two factors in determining long term survival for sarcoma patients. I am so incredibly grateful that God brought Son Light to a very dark road.

“But I'll take the hand of those who don't know the way, who can't see where they're going. I'll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country. I'll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don't fall into the ditch. These are the things I'll be doing for them—sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute." Isaiah 42:16 The Message

Walking in the light,

25 comments:

Denise said...

Asking God to continue leading you in this journey sweetie, love you.

Elizabeth said...

Praise the Lord, for He is so good!

Bernie said...

I cried as I read this post, I could feel how you felt on Saturday morning and I also feel that you are ready to do battle with this horrible disease. I thanked God you have Andrew to help and comfort you and am so very thankful that you have such wonderful family and friends around you.
All will be well Lisa, it will all work out........always in my heart and prayers.......:-) Hugs

Jackie said...

Continuing to pray for you!! He is forever Faithful to His children!!!

Love, Hugs and Sweet Blessings!
Jackie

sonja said...

These are such good words Lisa! This is what God is using to get you guys through these days... His Word! And believe me, it is ministering to the rest of us as well.

Praying daily and trusting God for His complete healing for you.

Love,

Sonja

Debbie said...

Continuing to pray for you. Our God is soo faithful and good. He will see you through all of this step by step. Much love and blessings to you, Debbie

Kimberly S. said...

Continuing to pray your strength for the journey! You are an inspiration!

Angel Muly said...

Praise Jesus for loving us and holding our hands when we need it. You are so blessed to have a praying and believing husband, I don't know what I would do without mine. We are praying healing over you, Lisa.
I am so glad I found your blog!!

Love
Angel
allthemus.blogspot.com

Gigi said...

Just (((hugging))) you right now...

Andrea said...

I praise GOD...you are free to be "all" HE created you to be! HE has and will continue to reign victoriously.
Hugs,
andrea

Tea With Tiffany said...

I am praying for you still. Everyday. Missed visiting and commenting while away on spring break. May the Lord continue to give you hope and courage to face the road each day. Wish I could hug you..

Love,

Tiffany

Gretchen said...

I think you said it perfectly: being scared is not the same as being fearful. You are the picture of courage and strength, Lisa, because of Who you call on for that courage and strength. xxxooo

Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

I just read your story last night, and I'm praying for you.
Blessings,
Marcia

sonja said...

"scared but not fearful"... I like that way of expressing this Lisa. We do face unknowns in this life, you're on one now, and they ARE scary, but 'fear' is not a road we have to take. "GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US THE SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF POWER AND LOVE AND A SOUND MIND"!! That verse has 'bailed my boat' so many times. God never initiates fear, He always asks us for faith. So, stick with it, that's exactly what you are doing.

We continue to pray.

Hugs!

Sonja

Andrea said...

Thank you for this. I am not dealing with the battles that you are by any stretch, but I thank you for sharing the feeling of release. I need it.
You are in my prayers!
Blessings
Andrea

Jan said...

Lisa, honey, I truly do not know how the folks at the Insurance Company can sleep at night! I am thrilled to hear that it should all work out in your favor despite their recklessness of the lives of others. God puts many resources at our disposal and it sure sounds like you are making full use of all that He has placed before you, so He's smiling own on you and yours my dear. Hugs to you today :)

Karen said...

I am thankful that you are hearing His voice and following in His steps. I pray for a miracle. You are dear to His heart.

LisaShaw said...

Keeping you lifted up in prayer Lisa and your family. GOD is faithful. May you find comfort, healing and peace in HIS presence dear sister.

Standing on the wall in prayer...

Renee Swope said...

Continuing to pray for you my friend. Claiming HIS word on your behalf. Today, the Lord led me to Psalm 71

In you, O LORD, Lisa and Andrew have taken refuge; let them never be put to shame. Thank you for rescuing them and delivering them in your righteousness; turning your ear to them and saving them.

I pray that you would continue to be their rock of refuge, the One to which they can always go; Lord, give the command to save Lisa, for you are her rock and her fortress.

Deliver Lisa, O my God, from the hand of cancer, from the grasp of doubt and fear, For you have been her hope, O Sovereign LORD,her confidence since her youth... her mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long. (v. 1-5,8)

Lisa, thank you for being real about all that you are going through. It's okay to be scared. It's natural and it doesn't mean you don't trust God. You are His precious child and He understands. All throughout the psalms we see David feeling scared of His enemies. But as He lifted His eyes to the Lord, His courage for the battle increased and he found his strength to fight hard. I think of Twila Paris' song "The Warrior is a Child" when I think of you. What a warrior you are!!!

Mocha Momma said...

Stopping by from Arise to write. Will be praying for you, Lisa and your loved ones.

Hang tough for the battle and lean on God heavily. It looks like you have the peace that passes all understanding. Thanking God for this.
Take care,
Nannette Johnson

B His Girl said...

Wow Lisa! He will light this path for you. I need to catch up on some of your posts. I think I may have missed something. I have not had time to blog in the last few days. I think you are going to be full of God stories on this road. Praying for you. Love, B

My Army Brats and Me said...

Praying for you. I have taken the journey a year ago. Chemo, surgery and radiation. You can fight. You just have to believe and be positive. Here is my website: www.cindyshopechest.org

Cindy
fighting like a girl

Kimberly S. said...

Still praying for you!!!!

Queenmothermamaw said...

You have the hand of Jesus guiding you through this for sure. Special blessings from the Holy Easter season.
QMM

Nana Jul said...

Yes, He'll give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you will know that He is the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name!
He will make you bold and courageous!
So good to hear you released it into His capable hands!
Storming the heavens for you and your family.
Love,
Julie