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Sunday, March 07, 2010

Cancer Scars

I had a great time this weekend with my sisters. The retreat’s theme was Road Trip. We all got these cute t-shirts and I won this awesome "baggage" as a door prize! The decorations were pink, turquoise and all animally. I love me some animal prints!!

The message was one of love. The speaker, Christine Hoover, encouraged us all to examine our hearts to see if we are depending on anyone or thing, other than God. She said she began praying about delivering this message because she felt like it was all heavy and depressing in an old-testamentish prophety sort of way. You know what I mean, all repent or die in nature. God’s response to her was just, “Tell them that I love them.” Isn’t that sweet? That pretty much sums up her precious heart. She had an honesty that I so admired and a testimony I could identify with a so many levels. I loved it when she looked out at our body of women and said, "I can just see Grace here." (Our church's name is Grace Bible Church.)

I’m going off on a tangent here…

After I got home, I went to another church service Saturday night because a friend of mine put together a group of people who specifically wanted to pray for me. Isn’t that awesome? Some of these folks I knew and most I didn’t. But, I did know their hearts because I know their God, and I was so touched by their faith and compassion. God really strengthened my feeble faith through their prayers. He reminded me that his promises stand and they can be waved like banners before a lost world and not just clung to in the hour of our deepest need.

Anyway, when I walked into the church, the message there was that God was releasing his joy because he loves us. My weekend’s theme was definitely so simple. God loves us.

Back on track. The retreat.

Friday night, God specifically spoke to one of my main fears. The fear of showing physical signs of sickness, cancer, weakness. You know, the hair loss, nausea, exhaustion, and a host of other side effects of chemo and/or cancer treatment. I don’t want to lose my hair, fingernails or remain nauseous for an extended period of time for obvious reasons. I'm not really sure what my body will look like when this entire fight is fought. Mainly I like beautiful things, perfect things and as a woman, I know God made me that way.

The physical sickness and weakness, I’m just flat scared of experiencing. I was sick, very sick, horribly sick the whole time I birthed babies. For almost ten years I threw up every.single.day. I chose to stay in my pajamas and sleep over meeting with friends and even over meeting with the Lord. I hated that part of the sickness. I hated those days of my life. I mean I loved rocking the babies. I loved being pregnant. I loved having a newborn. I just hated being sick. And tired. And tired of being sick. And sick of being tired.

As a mother I look back on those days and know I wouldn’t trade all the well days in the world for the fruit of those sick days. My babies. I also look at all the battle wounds on my body. The stretch marks, saggy tummy, weakened bladder, large feet and so on and I wouldn’t trade them for my babies either.

I began to ask the Lord to make the fruit of this cancer so amazing in my life and heart that I would embrace the imperfect knowing that it will be worth it. He reminded me of a time when he transferred this principle to my friendships. He reminded me of the perfection of Jesus and that even He has scars. And those scars became something beautiful; they became proof to a doubting world that He lives.

And I pray the mark of cancer on my life would be proof to a doubting world that He lives.

"He showed Himself alive after His (suffering) by [a series of] many convincing demonstrations [unquestionable evidences and infallible proofs]" Acts 1:3 The Amplified

PS I've fixed the link to my mother's blog in the post below...so, please go visit her for a Sunday night blessing. Thanks!

21 comments:

Smelling Coffee said...

This was a beautiful post... So glad the Lord surrounded you with reminders of His love! I continue to pray for you and your family, Lisa.

With love and concern...
Jennifer

Sing4joy said...

*sigh*

Kathy@ Gone North said...

Lisa, I just found your blog a few days ago, & I have read thru a lot of it. Yesterday as I was reading, I thought, "I want to be the "Light" that she is". I hate your cancer, but want to Thank You for Blessing me thru it.
My husband has battled twice & he will get his "3 month after scan" in a few weeks. We are trusting that we are now on the other side of this ugly thing. I watched though, how God used the battle, with the teens that he ministers to & know that God used it for His Glory.
I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you from Michigan.
And from a devotional I read when we were going thru surgery "Remember, whatever is over your head, is under HIS feet"

Bernie said...

You sound very fresh and renewed, I am happy you were surrounded by love and prayer this weekend.
Be well my friend, always in my heart and prayers.....:-) Hugs

Susan said...

Hey Lisa,

So blessed to read you had such an awesome weekend!

Thanks for sharing this with us. You look great.

Thanks so much for sharing your amazing journey with us all.

Your love for Jesus during this storm has been a TESTIMONY of His grace, His faithfulness, and the goodness of our mighty God.


Love you so much and continuing to stand in the gap for you and your family.

He is truly being GLORIFIED each step of the way. Lives are being challenged and changed because of you.

Keep holding on to Jesus♥

Tea With Tiffany said...

Hey, you were on my mind and I was on your blog about the same time you commented on mine tonight. God used you to bless me. Thank you. To know we were connected as sisters from across the miles.

He is so amazing. Thankful for your weekend. God is love.

Thank you for being real about your fears. And I'm praying for you to not have the journey of being sick and tired. I'm believing for healed...

Love and hugs!

Tea With Tiffany said...

PS love your smile!

Queenmothermamaw said...

So wonderful to hear of your blessed weekend. The power of prayer is the truest weapon we have in all adversity. Thank you so much for your strong testimony.
QMM

Andrea said...

Okay, Girly....You know I view things a bit differently...so here goes:
The beauty will also lay gracefully withing the "battle scars." You will never look more beautiful than the day you have NO hair or you are drooling from nausea, b/c through it all your Heavenly Father will shine like NEVER before. You already GLOW with HIS love, grace, and strength...I see it in this new picture of you in your cute new T-Shirt!!
HE will also send those to stand along side if and when you need someone to help pick you up and dust you of for the next few steps. You will never be alone in this....HE will reign faithfully and beautifully in and through you!
Hugs, love, and prayers,
andrea

Debbie said...

I am soo glad you had a good week-end and retreat and that you found yourself soo surrounded in His love and care. I will continue to pray for you everyday as you begin this journey, and I want you to know that you already soo shine for Him. I look forward to seeing all He is going to do. Have a good day. Hugs, Debbie

Deborah said...

Hi Lisa, I'm glad you had a nice weekend and the retreat sounded nice. You won a nice gift too! I had a pocketbook with the same pattern!!
I know you must be very scared, my sister in law Penny, had treatment, radiation and chemo and with all the medicine they gave her to make her not so sick she made it! We would go shopping after each treatment. Amazing, but true.
I am praying for you. Blessings, Deborah

Andrea said...

Praying that your battle scars will not only show you how very beautiful you are to Him but also to those who love you.
Blessings
Andrea

Jackie said...

Beautiful post!

I'm praying for you!

He is Faithful!!

Sweet Blessings!
Jackie

Renee Swope said...

I love your beautiful, transparent heart! I also love that the Father is chasing you own down with reminders of HIS love; may all you fear be chased away and made complete in the beautiful truth that you are precious and dearly loved by Him and countless others.

Still praying and believing, waiting and expecting!

Renee Swope said...

I love your beautiful, transparent heart! I also love that the Father is chasing you own down with reminders of HIS love; may all you fear be chased away and made complete in the beautiful truth that you are precious and dearly loved by Him and countless others.

Still praying and believing, waiting and expecting!

Lelia Chealey said...

Oh Lisa, I don't think a loss of anything could make you any less beautiful because you can never lose Jesus. He is what makes you so gorgeous. I have never thought of all the things you fear though...I will be lifting you up in all of these areas my sweet sister!!!
Love you much!!!
Here's to much fruit from your life!
love,
LC

B His Girl said...

Traveling together. The bag is a sign to get ready for the places you'll go! What a great reminder for us all. We are not alone AND He loves us. You look pretty in pink! Nothing can change that. b

Jen said...

This: "He reminded me of the perfection of Jesus and that even He has scars. And those scars became something beautiful; they became proof to a doubting world that He lives."
Beautiful words from a beautiful person. xoxoxo

Brian, Steph, Jada and Kiva Lee said...

I was SO SO happy to see you on Saturday. You are inspiring and totally beautiful in this! Gladly continuing to pray for you, girl!

Denise said...

Such a lovely post. You are so beautiful.

Joyful said...

Hey Lisa, I have been keeping up with your journey and praying for you. I see your name in my prayer journal and I lift you before God's throne of grace. As I've just read through so many of your past posts getting completely caught up, you are just blessing my heart with your faithfulness in this storm. What an example you are to me.

I chose to comment on this post 'cause I adore your t-shirt!!!! Wish I could find one like that to wear as I drive down to NC. God and I will be "traveling together" and I'm going to be depending on Him all the way! (If you know where I could order one, I'd love to know!)

Sending love, prayers and hugs to you today. Thanks for the encouragement and blessing you are to me,
Joy