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Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Little Pink Blessings: Part 1

Today I am kind of all over the place. I feel the nesting instincts I felt the night before I was induced with my children. I feel the excitement and nervous anticipation that mirror those days and hours. I like this feeling. I thought I would never feel it again if I didn’t have another baby. But today I feel that. And it’s weird.

I feel the extreme need to get everything in order. Beds made, dishes done, meals organized, carpool delegated, clothes folded and children held. Because I don’t know how long I’ll be able to do it or when the road to recovery will become a little bumpier.

The hardest part of these last two weeks has been the fact that I know nothing more about my diagnosis than I did the very first night I learned I had cancer. The hardest part is that there are no answers to my questions. Talk about trust.

In this exercise of blind trust, there have been many little reminders. Just little blessings, miracles, that even though I still don’t have a complete diagnosis and even though I don’t know when I’ll begin an effective treatment, I have not been forgotten by God. One day it was sunflowers. Another day it was something else. But every.single.time I need to know that I know that I know, there He is.

I had a friend ask me if I’d gained any weight. She said her entire family was full of stress eaters. I told her no that I’d lost about fifteen pounds but I sure had shopped a lot. My family is full of stress shoppers.

My mom and I have shopped for the children. They have new clothes, outfits to wear to the hospital, new tennis shoes, new school supplies and mementos to keep the company in my absence. I have new pajamas and a new robe. One needs to look presentable when recovering! I got soft sweats so that I can easily roll into the fetal position when I need a good cuddle and cry position. I’ve purchases gifts for those who’ve helped me and stocked every shelf in the kitchen. The children need to be nourished in my absence!

Last week Mom and I were at our favorite establishment, the local Steinmart. I found the cutest leopard hoodie accented with my favorite shade of red/orange/maroon. I tried it on and opened the dressing room door to show my mom. She exclaims, “That’s MY shirt! I’ve been waiting for that to be marked down for months.”

In my best honoring-your-parents daughter voice I said, “Okay you can have this one.” In my selfish loathing heart I thought, “But only since you’re the mother and you’re buying.”

In an effort to console me she added that she’d share it and found a pink shirt she thought I’d really like. The pink shirt was cute and I said I was sure I would enjoy it just as much, All the while knowing I probably wouldn’t but it would be fun to wear it on Valentine’s Day.

It was only when we arrived home and began to examine our purchases that I noticed this.

The shirt is made entirely of pink breast cancer ribbons.

What a blessing! I know God picked this shirt out for me and was totally using my mom. You see, I know that I have sarcoma in my breast because God wants me to identify with other women in a special and deep way. The enemy wants nothing more than to attack my femininity. The very place that God’s called me to minister, the enemy is trying to steal. He can’t. He won’t. And I know God won’t let him.

God showed me that in a beautiful pink shirt, one that I’ll be wearing Valentine’s Day and many other generic days of the year this cancer survivor will celebrate.

A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of. John 10:10 The Message

13 comments:

His Girl said...

o, how I love when our God is so OBVIOUS!

glad you're keeping your eyes open for Him.

...and selfishly glad you're sharing it with us!!!

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Praying for you tomorrow.....

Beth@Not a Bow in Sight said...

Lisa, you are truly an inspiration. Your writing touches so many. God is using this for his glory.

"The Lord will perfect all things concerning you" Psalm 138:8

TRUTH SHARER said...

Oh Lisa!

Everytime I come here now I want to say,
"Wow! God!!! Amazing us with Your Presence like that!!!

Oh, honey He's got you covered and look what IN!!!! So pink and sparkly that it almost makes me think...hummm....

God MIGHT BE saying to you,
"This is MY GIRL, Lisa, donning this pretty pink shirt with cancer ribbon's I've chosen for her to wear for awhile. I'M going to show THE WORLD how much I LOVE HER and what it's like to TRUST ME - even in her most difficult hours. Her life is in MY HANDS anyway because of MY SON. She's got nothing to lose and everything to gain by TRUSTING ME! Let me show you how beautiful she is to ME - from the INSIDE OUT!
MY HEART is banking on her love for ME - because she truly understands MY LOVE for her! 'When she is afraid [and she will be from time to time] she will TRUST IN ME'...

I will hold her hand and bring her THROUGH with flying colors - of PINK with a Sonflower logo on the side!"

Maybe--- just maybe --- He might be saying something like THAT!

And I say:
"Your heart + GOD'S HEART =
PERFECT TOGETHER!"

Choosing JOY in PINK!
Stephanie
JESUS ONLY in 2010

Queenmothermamaw said...

Will be walking and praying right beside you tomorrow in heart and spirit. You are truly a beautiful woman of strength. I had left you a WOW pin on my http://womanofwisdom-peggy.blogspot.com. I didn't want to worry you about it, but don't want you to miss the sisterhood that we share. Every bit of elevation in prayer is important.
QMM

Bernie said...

Oh I love your mom, and I love how you are sharing her with us. You are doing wonderful things for the people you love.....you are a beautiful person who I have been thinking about off and on all day. I have said a prayer each time you crossed my mind, I will be with you in spirt tomorrow, be strong and be well. Love you.....:-) Hugs

Nana Jul said...

Cutiest shirt ever!! How funny you tried on the top your mom wanted! He is with you!! He marvels at your faith!
Praying He hems you in!
Love,
Julie

Deborah said...

You are truly an inspiration. We are a stree shopper family also. The full weekend before Penny went in for surgery, we went shopping for the entire weekend. We shopped and shopped and shopped! I believe the t-shirt was a gift from God. You will see many signs from God giving you strength. I am praying for you.
Deborah

Anita said...

I know you are so loved by your mom, and your family. What a blessing!
Keep blogging, and we'll keep praying. :)

Amy Marciniak said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you tomorrow. Call if I can help at all!

Amy Marciniak

Andrea said...

GOD IS AWESOME!

Love, hugs, and prayers,
andrea

Alleluiabelle said...

Beautiful Sister,

I continue to be amazed every time I come here to check in on you and then I read and I get so filled in every way.

You reminded me of my sister in this post. Her two children are grown up now, but the week before her surgery, she was out shopping for comfy clothes and stocking the shelves with food too.

I love you beautiful one and you and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers daily. I've still been under the weather physically but I'm praying and continuing praising the Lord with you and everyone here in the midst of your storm and others.

Big Hugs,
Alleluiabelle

Denise said...

Will be praying very hard for you tomorrow dear, love you.