One of the hardest aspects of fighting cancer is struggling with what the children can handle.
We told them mommy was sick, that I had cancer. We told the baby Mommy had a boo boo.
Then for the next two weeks, we talked on the phone every second of the day (and night at times) to doctors, insurance companies, political figures, family members and hospitals.
My children (and all children) are smart. They hear what they hear and even if you hide in the closet with the door shut and whisper into the phone, they know something is desperately wrong. They know just by the sheer volume of relatives and close friends who come immediately to your side. They know because the church is bringing meals in every night. They just know.
My baby boy started waking up at night and asking me to pray God wouldn’t let him get any boo boos like Mommy’s. My older children are struggling with explosive anger, uncontrollable tears, emotional outbursts, honest questions and plain old worry and fear.
It hurts me to see this. I pray that through this God would give them faith, courage and maturity beyond their years. I pray that someday they would be able to help other children whose parents have been diagnosed with cancer. I pray.
As I was talking about it with Andrew, well, more like muttering between sobs, I was lamenting that the children don’t have the same faith we have. We have a mature faith. A faith built solid and strong by lots and lots of life experiences. In exasperation , I sighed, “They just have a little.”
Then God spoke.
That’s all I require.
"The simple truth is that if you had a mere kernel of faith, a poppy (mustard) seed, say, you would tell this mountain, 'Move!' and it would move. There is nothing you wouldn't be able to tackle." Matthew 17:20 The Message
And I’m reminded that God’s call to greatness starts with a little.
If you're honest in small things, you'll be honest in big things; If you're a crook in small things, you'll be a crook in big things. If you're not honest in small jobs, who will put you in charge of the store? Luke 16:10 The Message
I pray they are honest and trustworthy with little faith and that it grows into a lifelong display of ministry and worship to Our Lord.