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Tuesday, February 02, 2010

The Hole

Today was the day. The day I felt like turning around, going back to bed and pulling the covers over my head. For a long, long time.

But I didn’t. And I’m not.

I did ask someone else to answer my phone, make the calls and talk to the people.

And I persevered. Call after call after call. A room full of loved ones calling, gathering, asking, imploring, fighting for me.

Cancer stinks. Insurance stinks. Scott & White Health Plan stinks.

My sis-in-law has summarized my frustration very well here. (And brought to our attention another sweet boy suffering. Would you go pray for Jackson and his parents with me?) What seems impossible with man is not impossible with God.

With God.

He knows already. He was so sweet to remind me in several ways that I am not forgotten. I want to share them with you because they are so amazing but I will save that for another night when I am not so depleted and drained.

Tonight I will praise God that sixteen years ago today, Andrew asked me on our first date. And I will praise God that I said yes. I will praise God that my sweet friends surprised me by organizing my out-of-control pantry and when I was able to come home and open it late this evening, the first thought that popped into my head was, Hallelujah!” I will praise God that someone had a hot dinner here when I got home and I will praise God for the time I got to spend with my sweet boy tonight.

But mostly I will praise God because He is.

He is fighting cancer. He is fighting insurance bureaucracy. He is going to answer. He is going to fix this.

And although I am shaken and knocked down, I am not broken. I am standing firmly upon the Rock. With trembling legs I am standing tonight.

I waited and waited and waited for God. At last he looked; finally he listened. He lifted me out of the ditch, pulled me from deep mud. He stood me up on a solid rock to make sure I wouldn't slip. He taught me how to sing the latest God-song, a praise-song to our God. More and more people are seeing this: they enter the mystery, abandoning themselves to God. Psalm 40:1-3 The Message

Waiting & Expecting,

9 comments:

Gretchen said...

Waiting with you. Bearing with you as much as we can. Loving you. Praising God because He is who He says He is, and His love NEVER fails.

Eternally Distracted said...

What a fantastic post. It is amazing that you are finding so many things to be thankful for... you are an inspiration to others. Keep well and keep smiling :0)

Alleluiabelle said...

Sweet Sweet Sister,

I am praying for a miracle...yes I am. I am praying that the Lord will open all of the stops that have held you up this day and that the doors to the hospital if that is His will, shall be opened up immediately...even better, that you are totally being healed by Him right now!! We are standing high on that solid rock with you and we will help to hold you up by hanging on ever so tightly to you as you and all of us hang on to the precious hem of his glorious garment. He will never leave us nor shall He forsake us for by His stripes we are all healed.

Yes...we sing out loudly, upwardly our worship, our mighty praises to His holy name. We are all coming together in unison in the name of our precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I love you dear one and I'm pressing and leaning in ever so close to Him for you, with you, for my sister and for many others. Yes, He will answer, He always does.

Big Hugs,
Alleluiabelle

Bernie said...

Oh Lisa, you just don't need this right now and I do not know of any reason for it but I do know God knows. He will work this out for you Lisa as only he can.
Stand firm and trust him...all will be well sweetie...
luv ya...Hugs

Denise said...

Dear sis, lifting you high up in my prayers, love you.

Mary Nelson said...

Precious, precious girl! I have been using my phone to check your blog and it won't let me leave comments but I am at my desk top now, loving, praying and believing by faith that God is moving the hearts and minds of those at your insurance company (Prov.21:1) for His very best and in such a way that His stamp is undeniable! Love you!

Tea With Tiffany said...

You are precious in His sight. I'm believing for healing and favor with insurance and care that follows.

His Girl said...

crying in the starbux. looks like you'll not be crying alone... it's like our tearducts are now somehow connected through your computer.

I am praying, lady. Allow yourself permission to go to bed sometimes and pull up the covers. He's there.

Hooray for people to know how to love you right... pantries? warm food? making calls? excellent!

God gets the victory here. cancer picked the wrong girl.

B His Girl said...

I pray any feeling of being in a 'hole' is really HIS hiding place. Thank you Lord for letting Lisa know she is not forgotten. Thank you also for those around her being your hands and feet. Lord, let Lisa reach out and touch the hem of your garment and receive healing. She's your girl and we love her. B