I truly believe with all my heart that all my life’s experiences have prepared me for this point. Walking through this diagnosis is not something I expect to be easy.
As a matter of fact, I have experienced a gamut of emotions in just the last couple of days. I’ve had long periods where I know everything will be alright. I just know I can do this. And then I have days like Tuesday where all I can do is sob and grieve and desire to quit fighting.
And then yesterday. Yesterday I felt hopeful and I felt positive but I felt tired. I felt very, very weary. I felt detached. I couldn’t feel anything. No tears. There was laughter (thank you, Amy!). But it was all superficial. You know, I missed the deep.
And in this, I had moments of deep knowingness. Where I knew that I knew that I knew. Understand? Sometimes you just know. This is one way I know this time. I know that I have not been forgotten. I am walking a path handpicked by the hand of God just for me.
Now you are all familiar with my love of sunflowers. They are just so “me.” When Andrew and I were looking at cancer ribbons a few nights ago, this is what we found.
The ribbon for sarcoma is yellow with a sunflower.
"Who knows? Maybe you were made…for just such a time as this…God's gifts and God's call are under full warranty—never canceled, never rescinded." Esther 4:14 & Romans 11:29Dancing in the Son,