Two words no doctor wants to say. Two words no patient wants to hear. Two words I heard this evening.
The good news is I’m living. The bad news is I’m living with cancer right now.
I feel like I need to go to a meeting and stand and say, “Hi, my name is lisasmith and I have cancer.” Weird.
I would be lying to say I’m not scared. The truth is I’m terrified and unsure and don’t know what the next steps will be.
God does and that is where I’m resting my feet. I am planting them firmly on His promises of hope and a future.
This morning in my prayer time I felt the Lord telling me to pay attention to the patterns in prayer. I knew He was talking about my children. My children have been attacked at the very points where I know God wants to use them.
Even when I was writing my post The Lunch Table, I felt like the Lord was showing me that the reason I was in speech therapy for so many years growing up was because the enemy was trying to steal my voice. Literally.
I went for an entire four months during college that I couldn’t speak because the nodules on my vocal chords were acting up so badly. I was diagnosed with voice nodules when I was in the fifth grade. Basically, I lose my voice. A lot.
I always thought it was because I talked too much. Now I believe it’s because God has given me a message and the enemy does not want it to be heard.
As I face this attack on my womanhood, I know that it is because I have been given the privilege of touching the heart of other women. As I face this attack on my life, I know it is because I have a reason to live.
So with the Lord of Hosts on my side, I will fight this battle and win!
The “information” is (and this doesn’t mean a whole lot to me so if you have any medical insight, please share.) What the doctor knows so far is that I have a sarcoma, unusual and rare to the breast, not the most common form of breast cancer. The complete pathology report is not ready because the pathologist needs to run more tests on my tissue to determine what type of sarcoma it is, but should be by the end of the week. I will see a surgeon ASAP for a lumpectomy and tissue and lymph node sampling, then an oncologist for staging and a course of treatment.
Please pray for the doctors and the pathologist. Please pray for wisdom and hope and strength. Please pray I would make the most of this “opportunity” and bring God more glory than I could any other way. Please pray for my husband, Andrew and my children Julia (10), Alyssa (8), Hunter (6) and Palmer (3). For my parents, extended family and loved ones.
Please pray that my words don’t leave. When I’m stressed, tired or sick, they tend to go. Pray I fight this battle well and that the Messiah, King of messes would use my mess to make a message of hope. Pray that this test will give way to a beautiful testimony and that many will see and hear and put their trust in our very good and loving God.
I called you…Telling you, ‘I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.' Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you. Isaiah 41:9-10 The Message