With this newness has been some travel for him. I'm okay with that. I'm willing to make some sacrifices to get where we want to be. Yesterday he was to be out of town. I had an early doctor's appointment. I had plans for Palmer. I had a huge to do list. There was nothing on it that necessarily had to be done pronto. Just things that needed to be done. Things like buy groceries so we can eat at home, buy a new dutch oven so I can make some soup (I boiled my brushes dry last week. Not a good idea. Hunter came in and said, "Mom, there's something weird cooking and it smells nasty." See picture.) and go to Ulta while they're having their huge sale this week.
Now I can do all of these things and the other things on my list with children or with only Palmer. I can. But come on, moms, feel my pain. I can go triple speed alone. And sometimes wondering the aisles of HEB alone can actually be therapeutic for me. Call me crazy.
The long and short of it is that Andrew ended up being home yesterday. That's wonderful. Extra time with my love. Except he wanted me to sit in his office while he worked. I was sort of his muse, if you will. Just sit. For almost three hours.
All I heard was the tick tock of time passing. All I saw was my ever-growing to do list. All I felt was so.very.helpless.
Don't get me wrong. I was flattered. Glad even that my husband loves me that much. I was also preoccupied and could've gotten slightly annoyed if I would've let myself.
In the hush of his work, I felt the Lord. Behold him, Lisa.
Eventually he got what he needed to accomplish finished and we spent a short lunch time together before he actually left town. I still substantially shortened my list and all is well.
I came home and continued to ponder behold. I just know if I could behold my husband I could surely learn to behold my God.
As I pondered I remembered. When we were engaged we could just sit. We would stare at one another memorizing every detail of each other's faces, we were content to just be, looking, watching, learning. Oh we had a list. Addresses to gather, a ring to show off and a very important and exciting announcement to spread. But we sat and stared.
This is what I found today. Behold: regard, look at, gaze upon, examine.
These are the verses that came to mind as I pondered.
One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple...But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit. Psalm 27:4 & 2 Corinthians 3:18
This morning I am going to spend some time beholding my Lord. Just sitting, gazing, examining.