We are in the midst of baseball season. Sports are in full swing here. Softball, teeball and soccer. These days it's all about the equipment. For girls, pink rules the uniforms. Pink cleats, pink gloves and pink helmets are all the rage. My 6 and 7-year-olds wear their batting gloves like pros. These kids get their confidence from their gear. My daughter really feels like she can't run her fastest because she needs new cleats.
Have you ever felt like you were ill-equipped to play a game? Have you ever been trying to run your fastest in ill-fitting shoes?
I am in a season where the equipment speaks to me. I feel like I am trying to play this parenting game with unattractive equipment lately. Last week was a hard week. I felt really ill-equipped. I'll be honest here. Many days lately I've felt so unfit to mother my children. My cleats are no longer pink and my gloves are just plain worn out.
They are all at an age where they need me. Oh, they wish they were independent but they need their mom's help more than they sometimes care to admit. Getting the three older kids to school, dressed in matching clothes, with shoes on, backpacks loaded, lunches in tow and with the three-year-old strapped in the car seat is sometimes more than I can handle before 7:30 AM! Then we rush home, take a shower, eat breakfast, fix Palmer's lunch and we're off for our day.
Lately, everyone has been late. Everywhere.
I wonder how mothers of multiples get their kids where they need to go with their necessary stuff successfully. Most days success eludes me. Every single second of every single day is filled with need. Drop off the kids, help the husband, pick up the kids, help the kids, drive the kids, feed the kids, bathe the kids, visit with the husband...if I can still string words together.
Feeling like life is strung together by needs and responsibilities instead of with joys and blessings will stir inadequacy in your soul like nothing else can.
Each second has been a heartcry for miracles. I so desire to see fruit in my children's lives I can forget that growing an orchard of trees that faithfully produce said fruit takes many, many seasons of constant nurture for each small sapling. Water, prune, stake, fertilize, protect. The needs are ever present.
Quiet happens here in my home for about eight hours out of each twenty-four. Most people sleep during those hours. I fore go sleep regularly to spend time in God's Word and prayer. Last week I spent many of these hours in tears begging for the strength to parent. Trusting God knew what He was doing when He gave us allthesekids. Thankful that my dream of a large family was realized yet desperate for Him to touch the mother who needsmuchhelpmothering.
I just kept praying, "I am so ill-equipped. I am so not equipped for this. Why did you think I could do this well?" Over and over, "Lord, I am not equipped."
He spoke to me in the early in the treasured silence.
"All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work." (2 Timothy 3:16 NLT)
He reminded me that I have all the equipment I need.