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Thursday, March 26, 2009

She Speaks for One

(The first part of this post is a repeat from February 4, 2009. The end includes new material. This post is an entry for a scholarship to the Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference. Please click the links in the story for more information.)

"Speak!" You spoke the word to my heart. I silenced the fear, quenched the questioning and willed the response. It took all the courage I could muster, "Okay..." I responded.

Then six days later the invitation came. You are so good.

Your command to speak has left me speechless.

A dream of seventeen years, a vision seen by a young college coed, a desire placed deep within is being born. A hard, winding and narrow road slowly yet steadily traveled to get to this point of complete surrender. I am finally in a place where for an instant, in the instant You spoke, the doubting ceased and my mouth moved without hesitation. I spoke. An answer. To You.

I wanted to shout from the rooftops, scream at the top of my lungs, "Yes, oh yes, my Lord!" But the word that took my everything to choke out was simply , "Okay."

Oh Lord, You know me. You have known all along that in Your time you would use me.

Yesterday I was just another girl with a dusty old dream. I was worn out, giving up and looking down when You rescued me. You have taken my old dream and crafted it for a new purpose. Rescued that dream from a deep, dark place in my soul and shed Your light on it. You have freed me to move at Your command, to demonstrate my love for You.

No, I'm not as free as I long to be. You see the me I see when I close my eyes. The me I see in my mind's eye worships freely, dances gracefully and lives largely. But today, You have freed me enough to utter one simple, willing word, "Okay."

I am so thankful You are not finished with me yet. Today I feel as if You are just beginning. Today I feel hope that You will use that dusty, old dream in a shiny, new way. Today I feel the life You have breathed into my destiny. Oh, how I have waited. Waited for Your arms to lift. Waited for Your voice to command. Waited. On You. My Lord.

You see, I had to become broken.

And broken...is very beautiful.

********************************************
This was written about two months ago after attending Girls Day Out with Lysa and Renee of Proverbs 31. God invited me to go deeper with Him, outloud. I simply responded to His lead. His invitation to speak has been spoken over my heart for many years. That night God gave me the courage to put words and voice to a dormant dream fear has kept hidden deep in my heart. God gave the faith of a mustard seed to a larger-than-life dream living inside the heart of an ordinary girl. I am overwhelmed with gratitude that God would see fit to breathe His life into my dream. You see, my story and my life are not unique. They are simply ordinary. I live an ordinary life but I love an extraordinary God.

When God called me to write He wasn't only asking me to put words on paper. I had been doing that for years. I have journals full of my own private thoughts. He was asking me to put a voice to His work in my life. He asked me to put words here on a blog where you could see it but to write as if only He were reading it. Writing this blog has been a journey of faith. Every time I sit to write, He speaks and I simply respond.

God had me stumble over to Lysa's She Speaks scholarship opportunity through a new friend yesterday. I have dreamed of attending the Proverbs 31 She Speaks conference for speakers, writers and bloggers since I first heard about it a few years ago. Fear has had that dream bundled tightly sitting in a dark corner of my heart. Until now. I knew before I ever saw Lysa's post that I was to enter this contest if given the opportunity.

Writing this post for the P31 ladies has been hard. I found myself looking for a voice that might be heard. It's been impossible, really. Completely unsuccessful. Last night I stopped trying to come up with my own words and turned to the Living Word. He reminded me that it was His invitation that waited unanswered.

Any time I have tried to speak to an audience other than One, it has backfired. I tried to turn this into a family blog. I fizzled. Then I fell victim to judging my success on the number of comments and visits I received. I flopped. At the advice of a business coach I tried to mingle blogging with real estate. I stunk.

So as I sat in His presence it came as no surprise that writing to a committee of women, even wonderful, Godly, mentor-type women I can learn volumes from, would fail. Even though God has clearly called me to write this entry. He has called me to write it for Him. Alone with Him the blessing of His Word came softly, swiftly as words poured forth. The Living Word mingling with my words breathing extraordinary power into my ordinary thoughts.

He whispered sweet words to my heart. Just as I write for One, I speak for One.

19 comments:

Tracy Alicia Vinson said...

Lisa,

Keeping up with the entries of the She Speaks conference, I read your blog. My spirit is SCREAMING...she gets it, she gets it! It is in the brokenness; this is where God can do a total work! I, too, have experienced brokenness in the past several months. It is the beginning of the process of realizing who you are compared against who He is and it is an infinite process. Good for you! I am so excited for your obedience and surrender. THIS is where National Revival will begin.

Bless Her with Double-Portion Blessings!

Kathy S. said...

Lisa, what heart~felt words and very creative writing!

I can relate to your story. I was told long ago that I "would be doing that someday" and have taken opportunities as they have arisen. The prep work for me is gruelling, and if it's been awhile, I struggle with the same old "starting fear" but I remind myself that Paul came with fear and trembling. The main thing is he came!

What a high call to speak for our King! And when we fear it is in recognition of our frailty and falability (that is good!), but when we submit it to our faith, we speak of (rather "by") the Power of the King!!

It is clear that God has a plan and is bringing it about!
Blessings!!!!!

Mrs.Naz@BecomingMe said...

Just beautiful Lisa! Like you wrote to me...we share so much. Thank you for your honest sharing heart.

Sandy at God Speaks Today said...

I love it. This is beautiful. I'm glad this is your "year of yes" too. Our mutual "yes's" will hopefully cross our paths.

My spirit is leaping right now!!!

Love you!
Sandy

LisaShaw said...

Precious Sister, this was powerful. I could sit down across the table and talk to you on this message for a good while. I pray/speak continued blessings and revelations over your life in Jesus Name. You are such an encouragement and your honesty in your words is refreshing and uplifting.

Love ya!

B His Girl said...

Wow, now I have three bloggy friends I have found that I would love to see go to She Speaks. It is an awesome conference. The Audience of One will be faithful and true to the dream He has given you Lisa. He will make it happen. All you have to do is Walk by Faith. B

Sheryl said...

Thank you so much for sharing from your heart.

Sheryl

Bev Brandon said...

Lisa, the word "broken" stirs such deep things in me. Actually, you stirred them in me. So inviting. So intriguing. Hope you get to go! Love you, Bev

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

What great words...so glad that I found your blog. Book marked it to come back often.

Hope you will stop by my blog for a visit. I am new to blogging and I am loving all my new friends.

I am giving away my first EVER BLOG PRIZE.
I have a gift basket business and it is the most requested gift over the last 15 years.
From the comments I have already received, it appears to be something a little different.
I have been so touched by the comments.

I really do want to bless people!!!

I have decided that giving is life at its BEST. The drawing will be late afternoon on Saturday...wow that's tomorrow!

His Hers Ours and Autism said...

When we see that there is nothing to say about us, and realize that it is all about Him, we are amazingly and finally satisfied with what we have to say. You said it perfectly, my friend. Amen!

Kathy

Luanne said...

Lisa, thanks so much for the encouragement. Tomorrow is the first early morning--get up by 5--and spend time with Jesus!

Prayers would be appreciated!

God bless!

Denise said...

Lisa~

What a beautiful post. I am so glad you found my blog. Who knows maybe our paths will cross at the conference. Have a blessed day!

Denise

Lora said...

You will never, ever go wrong with a focus of One.

Love and hugs across the miles!

Heather Kay said...

Lisa,
Thank you for stopping by my blog! I really appreciate your wisdom in the comment. You have a great blog here!
Heather Kay

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

In most cases, we write to be read. It's the way of a writer's heart. But ultimately (and I think most worthy) I write to an audience of One. I've steered off the path a few times, but as I have grown up (now at almost 43), I've allowed Christ the pen. There is no other worthy boast of my heart than of Jesus Christ and him crucified.

I sense that in you, new friend. How I hope that you will be able to attend the conference. I went last year and received such a huge blessing. Not only that, I was able to meet many of my blogging friends from across the country!

Let me know if I can help you in anyway along the journey. Keep writing your heart. Don't fall into the trap of tryiing to write like anyone else. Just do what "fits" with you.

By the way, love the name of your blog... "glad chatter."

peace and blessing~elaine

Raye Ann said...

What a beautiful prayer. What a calling to share your life with us. It is such a blessing.

Thank you for stopping by my site and for such words of encouragement.

Blessings Always

Shonda said...

This whole post stirs my heart as I have been frozen in fear over a step I believe the Lord wants me to take.

Broken-I understand too.

I pray the Lord open doors for you as HE has done for me. For me it's been through CLASS (Christian Leaders, Authors and Speaker Seminars).

Lots of love and blessings--
Shonda

Lindsey @ A New Life said...

I love your comment about writing for an audience of the ONE. Once I got that, my writing changes, my life changed, and my heart has literally started to beat with desire for more of HIM.

Wishing you luck in your ministry and praying for your dream to attend the conference. Best of luck to you!

Christiana said...

This is beautiful, Ms. Lisa! I know I probably shouldn't pick a favorite, but I've got my fingers crossed that you win this scholarship.

Thanks for stopping by my place, too - here's hoping I get to meet you at She Speaks.