Today I am praising God! He has knocked my socks off yet again by taking something I so desperately messed up and fixed it, perfected it, mended it and made it whole.
If you remember my last
post on a restored friendship, you need to hear this story too.
I have always believed God could heal relationships.
"I forgive you" are the magic words, right? We say them and we move on but rarely, at least in my life, has God restored unity in heart, in spirit, in soulmates, after those words have been spoken. I forgive but I don't really talk to, share with or ever hang out around my "friends" again. Even though I still l.o.v.e. them, my actions speak deadness. My heart remains broken with love but is too stilled by the fear of further rejection to keep showing it or (gasp) to pursue those who have hurt me.
I don't even really think that until recently I actually believed that unity and oneness in spirit could be restored in a relationship among girlfriends. I think that I always thought that even though I might fellowship with the friend again, I wouldn't feel the same depth of love and closeness. Until yesterday I have never experienced anywhere near the "forgetting" of sins that we are told of over and over about in Scripture.
"As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12)
I could always see the transgressions against me no matter where I looked. Beyond that, I could always see my own shortcomings, surely something must be terribly wrong with me that "she" would ultimately reject me. Oh, the lies!
Oh, it may start out as, "Look what she did to me." But, after the tears dried up, it would always become, "Look how I messed this up!" Which would result in me giving up and turning away.
I had a hard time wanting something (a relationship) that was messed up, had baggage or where I wouldn't be treated "right."
I am learning, after all these years, that broken and made whole again is beautiful. New and perfect always, at some point, becomes broken. It's the making all things new that yields character and deep beauty. It is what grace looks like.
"...the old has gone, the new has come!" (2 Corinthians 5:17)
Here's where God is not only doing it once in my life, He's driving the point home.
He took a friendship that was so deep when it cut, it cut deeply to the quick. It bled.
Things were said. Words like a piles of laundry were unloaded in each other's laps.
He sorted it all out, like socks. Perfectly matching up the useful and tucking them safely away for wearing. Tossing out the mismatched, torn up and unusable never to be bothered with again.
Never to get in the way when getting dressed. Never to distract from the duty at hand.
Perfectly, neatly, gently and full of purpose His hands worked. Sorting and matching then tucking away. Until today.
The drawer of my heart was tugged and opened. Its contents were so neat, so useful, so ready for this purpose concerning this relationship. It was beautiful.
Two relationships in two months. Seriously, it's like we never were apart.
When I saw her yesterday. I saw love. I saw beauty. I saw all the things I've missed. I saw all the things this relationship was meant to be. What I did not see were the lies I listened to, the hurt I felt. I felt connection. I felt life. What I did not feel was betrayal or rejection. I saw grace. I felt grace. I touched grace.
It's like new...and improved.
We were matched to be friends...like socks.
Useful, when sorted correctly by the hands of the Master.
Yesterday I saw grace...
Like socks.
