I recently heard someone say that an idol is "anything I can't stop thinking about."
It struck me.
I decided to spend time paying attention to what I actually think about all day long.
Things like how much time I spend wondering if those really great brown shoes are on sale yet.
How can I get the chlorine green out of Alyssa's hair before school starts.
What would really clean the grout in my kitchen floor or make the kids' bathroom smell like I actually clean it.
How can I rearrange the furniture in my bedroom and what can I get rid of so I don't feel so crowded in my own house.
My schedule for the day or the week. When will we swim, what day for haircuts, which babysitter?
Money issues. Did I spend too much? Was the decision wise? What's really necessary?
I spend LOTS of time thinking about time. Mainly how I don't have enough of it. Frustration over not being able to have a long enough quiet time or just be at home about the home.
I had a moment when I finally understood.
You see, I learned a long time ago how very important it is to "take every thought captive." (2 Cor. 10:5) I meditated on this truth always when I was single, very single and longed to be married, very married with a family.
I have always felt like seeing the importance of something is winning half the battle (or more). If you know you have a problem, you can at least do something about it. Right?
Well, I've since come to realize the opposite is true.
The more I become aware of my need and reliance on Christ, the more time I must spend with him. In his Word. In contemplative prayer. Meditating on his truths. More.
Paul was wrestling with this also in Romans 7. "For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. "
Why is it that my heart loves the Lord so much but my body longs for a pair of pathetic (but cute!) brown shoes?
Why is it hard to show love to friends and exercise patience at home? Because I need rescuing! Every second of every day. I need more of my Rescuer. More.
The cry of my heart has become more. More, Lord, more. More of You.